end of the year wrap up

I published this on my other blog because well frankly it's long and boring and that's what that blog is for...it is HERE if you are bored or have no life

Merry Christmas, Happy Channukah, Happy Kwanza, Happy Holidays, or whatever other PC thing I'm supposed to say...also, sorry if they are spelled wrong - I sure wouldn't want to offend anyone...

If you're drinking have one...naw 2 for me...I get sick if I drink...yay for my asshole stomach!

Thanks for the great year everyone!

Merry merry and be safe!

* Ps it's fucking snowing here...and the roads suck...if you want a white Christmas feel free to join me - I will buy you booze for being my entertainment... :)

ltml - fml edition

Dear Neighbor,
If you're going to play your guitar all shittily could you please cut yourself off at 10 pm like a polite person. I've never blasted you with my shit after 9:30...stupid snatch - if you don't knock it off I might cut you.
Sincerely, Disgruntled neighbor

Dear Neighbor's kid,
What are you deaf?? I can't believe my noise hasn't woken you up! Help a sista out over here and wake up screaming. It's the least you could do when you have count cuntula as a mom...fuck!
Always, Angry Bitch Next Door

Dear Ana and Andy,
I do not now nor have I ever cared about Andy's kids. As a matter of fact I couldn't care less what happens. I have helped and listened trying to be a good person. Why in the fuck would I want to listen to the two of you bitch about the same shit I hear at work EVERY SINGLE DAY!?!? Keep your own fucking drama dude...I'm officially out! May your lawyer keep his sanity the poor lad...I think next time I'll send you to someone I don't like.
Not cool, Me

Dear Mr K. Sweeney (the good one),
I'm apologizing now for my past and future mistakes. I know that I have sent you some gems. My bad...
Really do love ya, The girl who makes the shitty coffee and sends you nutcases

Dear Pister,
Add a fucking followers button and help people out...maybe you'd get more. I'm trying here. PS - thanks for you know that thing that you did that we can't talk about on here...(twss?)
Love, the good Pister

Dear followers,
Get your mind outta the gutter...
Thanks again for the love, J

I started a new blog for all of my "baggage"

to keep this blog down to a minimum with my baggage and drama (the non-funny kind) I started a new blog...here at http://jessesworkinitout.blogspot.com/ - read if you'd like - if not I totally understand...it's not funny...AT ALL. Thanks fellow bloggers for your support on this blog. It truly means the world that complete strangers do care even on shitty days. I will still be here occasionally (you know like I'm a failure and don't blog often anyway)...nothing here will change except the occasions when I post here that I've posted there. I'll keep trying to be funny here even though I realize I'm not funny very often. It's like the jackpot though when I am! Thanks again all! Hopefully soon I'll have a good story...

haha...fml December 8th...

Dear Blog reading and potential writing self,
You were doing so well there you dill fuck...what happened? Where'd ya go?
Love, The person who used to read all the "good blogs" everyday

Dear Bloglanders,
Sorry I haven't been commenting or writing...I suck....My bad!
Yours, The girl who still owes each of you a beer

Dear 3 year old Pontiac,
Fuck you and your fucking battery you whiny piece of shit. I hate you right now...just start mother fucker.
Truly, The girl who is going to drive you off a cliff

Dear Mitchell,
You're my hero...thanks for dealing with my car drama...no, I still won't marry you.
Always, The bitch who probably doesn't deserve a friend like you

Dear Pister,
Hope you get that job. Glad the assholes at the insurance company finally let you go. Fuck them - they can fist themselves.
Sincerely, ME - duh

Dear below zero weather,
I hate you, but if you were going to come you couldn't have picked a funnier time to do so...All those Palin book waiters are batshit crazy.
Loving you for once, The girl who ISN'T going to wait in this weather for Sarah fuckin' Palin

Dear People in line a borders,
HAHA...HAHA...HOHO...HEHE...you're all fucking crazy! Hope you had fun waiting for you 30 seconds with a moron.
Not yours, thankfully, The girl who thinks Sarah Palin is completely full of shit

Dear Sarah Palin,
Fuck you.
Also not yours truly, Jesse (aka girl who wishes you would just go away for good)

Sometimes I like to creat controversy....

I like to think of it as "pushing buttons to make people think". It sounds a lot less bitchy and annoying then I like to piss people off because I think they are backwards in their way of thinking...or I'm ALWAYS right so screw you anyway. So this blog is going to be about an apparently very controversial issue: Religion. If you are a very staunch Christian leave now please. Also, if you didn't like Travis's blog over at "I like to fish..." about how effed it is that people in Kentucky are still racist - also, please leave, I just have a feeling you won't understand what I'm saying and I don't care to hear how you don't like it. (Also, if you don't know what I'm talking about click one of the above blue link thingy's* and it will take to you him - he's kind of awesome.)

SO - I have this little saying - it's a joke...mostly er kind of...it goes a little like this: If only the Mormons or the Catholics or the Jehovah's Witnesses are going to Heaven then I'd rather go to hell with all the rest of my people anyway because it's going to be way more fun!

Apparently that is NOT a popular thing to say to über churchy* people. It's like an automatic ticket to hell...which means apparently that I'm fucked. YES I'm automatically going to hell now. WTF!?!? I make a joke and I'm going to hell. There is no asking me what I actually believe, no questioning of one's own beliefs, just Jess is going to hell.

So just to check my theory I do a little facebook status update...and that leads to this...
My original status:

Jesse is it true that, if I'm not religous and what not or get whatevered, I am going to hell no matter how good I am, how much I love, how much I believe, or how many people I help? Cuz if that's the case I think I might as well start being bad...

and the answers: **

Jacquelyn

Whatever. Don't listen to other people unless they bring you up. You know whether or not you are trying to be a good person to yourself, lady earth, and those who populate her (be they awesome or not). Don't even listen to me (awesome as I am) *wink*. Listen to you.

Jesse

Thanks Jacque :) (are you still going to start spelling it like that again??) - I just love how closed-minded people can be...if you left it up to any single religion the people of that faith would (according to that religion, not necessarily all of the people of that religion - although quite a few apparently believe it's true) be the only ones to... Read More get into "Heaven" and it wouldn't matter how terrible the person was here on Earth as long as s/he was saved...I'm just going - so Hitler gets to go to Heaven and I don't because he was "saved" and did whatever they thought he needed to and I'm not going to Heaven because I was only baptized?? What's up with that!?!? :)

Jamie

That was awesome, Jackie...you are such a special woman! So are you, Jesse. And listen to Jackie, cause she's pretty dang smart! I love you girls! ♥

Jacquelyn

I think God will weigh the intentions with the actions. Too bad I can't communicate with passed souls...it'd be nice to just flat out ask them. That'd be cheating though and I did plenty of that in High School and didn't learn a thing :D

Sandie (side note - this is the BFF's mom - nice huh? loves...)

Some days Jesse you are so full of SHIT!!!!

Kellie

No its not true and your own accountability to your self will keep you from having too much fun!

Yet then I get in my inbox: the person shall remain nameless...

Hey Jesse, The only thing that matters and will assure you going to Heaven is your relationship with Jesus Christ. You can be as nice, as helpful as loving as you can be but if you do not know and believe that Jesus died for you because He loves you (the ultimate unconditional love-cuz lets face it if Jesus still loves me after all the crap I have done His love must be unconditional)> I'm not trying to be all high and mighty because I'm not nor am I a perfect person by any stretch of the imagination, I just want you to be fully informed. Quite honestly my friend I would hate for you to spend eternity in hell


NOW - where in the fuck did I ever state my beliefs?? It wasn't what this person said that pissed me off...it was the fact that she said it with such conviction that I was going to hell. Like maybe she could have taken a gander at me and noticed my cross necklace, maybe she could have asked a mutual friend who has known me for a while, maybe she could have ASKED ME what it is that I believe...maybe just maybe then she would have found out that I was raised Catholic but I have no use for organized religion because they teach people not to question anything EVER...and they are a little too cultish ("f" you spell check) for my taste - I also think they are mostly hypocrites...not all...just most...yaknow with the "love thy neighbor" and "let he who is without sin cast the first stone" and "God loves all his children" crap. I'm not saying I have a problem with other people who are religious, but damn it if my Mormon friends can take a joke and not preach to me then why can't other people!?!? Or at least ask me what I believe before you throw your down home values on me...sheesh. Am I out of line?

*yes - I am aware that "thingy's" is not a word, but doodad's is just weird for me and also churchy should be a word, but I realize most people (outside my head) don't think it is either

** all of these people are religious in some form...all of them have at one point (or still do) gone to church on a weekly basis. The range from Mormon to Lutheran to just plain Christian

anger, heart break, frustration...the one with too much emotion and too much about my past...very personal...and very "schmoopy"

very long post...very personal...much recounting of my life. Skip this if you expect it to in any way be funny or even make sense...it's VERY VERY LONG...

I'm an over thinker. If I know anything about myself, this is definitely it. So I've been thinking...What is a truly broken heart? Do we ever get over a significant loss? Does the heart ever really truly heal? Or is like Stephanie Meyer says in her "New Moon" book...that we essentially just get better at dealing with the pain. I never thought a book about teenage vampires would ever have anything to say that would truly make sense, but dealing with my newest round of grief over something that happened more than 5 years ago, her words suddenly become actually relevant to my life. I find it odd, hilarious, and a more than a bit pathetic that I would admit a fluffy book like that would relate to me, but nonetheless the book is irrelevant, the words are not.

A Comprehensive break down of my life...this is going to be long...feel free to skip this post
15 years ago:
Mom comes out and starts dating one of the most wonderful people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Her name is Kate and she becomes my new mommy...My mom was always my mom, but she was MY momma Kate. I was the daughter of her heart and soul. We both knew that what was happening was inescapable, beautiful, and exciting. I finally had a mom with whom I could relate. That isn't said to diminish my relationship with my biological mother, we are very close and she is absolutely wonderful, but this was different and extraordinary.

until 10 years ago:
Kate and I remain joint at the hip. She's moved in with us. She's taught me to cook, she's taught me about defining my own spirituality without relying on a religion, she's taught me that people want to do better with their second child than they did with their first (and boy did she), she's introduced me to all kinds of new and wonderful people. Until she left when I was 16 we were inseparable. I was a child living in an adult world...and I felt like I was right where I belonged.

almost 10 years ago:
Kate leaves us for him. Mom and I are hurt and pissed. She and I are still so close that it's hard for my to imagine my life without seeing her everyday. We talk everyday until she moves to the Virgin Islands when I'm 17.

9 years ago:
My life changes. She's gone, but we still talk daily, until it's only every couple of days. I don't see her physically any more, but she tries her best to ease that pain. She knows all too well what I'm feeling. Then again she always has...she's the one person who can read me like an open book.

6 years, 2 or 3 months:
She's home for a couple of weeks, he's with her. She kicks him out of their timeshare condo in Red Lodge, Montana so that we can have some uninterrupted mother/daughter time. Kiss that buddy...What a selfish kid...but she knew I still wasn't ready to face him. I still wanted my parents back together. My dad had my other mom, Kathleen, for which I am grateful...my life would be so different if Kathleen weren't here - and not in a good way...she's been so good to me...but my 2 moms were still separate now. It will never fail to amaze me how kids hang on to the thought of their parents being together again after a divorce. I loved Kathleen so I never wanted mom and dad back together, of that I was sure. But the battle between mom and Kate proved to be the one that put me in the category of "other kids" - the one I had never imagined being a part of myself.

6 years ago:
She's sick. She's having seizures. She has me convinced it's nothing, she'll be okay. I always believed everything she said. She could have told me the sky was yellow and I would have believed her...I truly think everything will be fine.

btwn 5 and 6 years ago:
I know something is wrong, but I don't know what. The phone calls are less frequent, she's feeling less up to talking, she's not e-mailing me back. This is not her. This is not MY Kate. My Kate would find a way to talk to me. Something is very very wrong, I'm worried, and I'm frantically trying to reach her. I can feel that she needs me and I can't be there. I'm scared for her....

5 years, 5 months, 1 1/2 weeks (essentially),
I get a phone call that shatters my world. I'm only 20 years old and I have lost one of the few people I am fully not ready to loose. I get the call. The call. His call. Him. The man I blamed for so long for a decision SHE made. He took my mom away from me. I can't help but be resentful even if it's wrong. My head knows it was her decision, my heart needs someone else to blame. He tells me she died. What!? How could this happen? I'm too young. She was too young. 52 years, almost 4 months. Literally days shy of the 52 years, 4 months. I'm in my old bedroom that is now mom's office. She's at her computer working, I'm in the recliner jabbering away about some nonsense as usual. The desk faces the windows, recliner faces the desk. The bathroom to my back and right, the bathroom she designed with the walk in closet I loved. The walls are a different color than when I was a kid...3 pink, 1 deep maroon purple. Shelley's idea...yuck. I get the call. I lose it. I lose it badly enough that mom looks at me like I've had a mental break. I can hear him talking vaguely. I can hear him tell me she's dead. It was a brain tumor. I'm sorry sweetheart....I'm sobbing by now...uncontrollable, heart wrenching sobs, sounds I don't remember ever making. Mom is watching me, concern on her face. I hear him ask, "Is there anything I can do for you?" I manage to say, "no"...and somehow, though I can't remember now, the call ends. That's it. She's gone. No answers, nothing. I tell mom. Mom's losing it. We're both overcome. Shelley walks in, I look at mom with desperation in my eyes that says "get Shelley out...I can't deal with her, please just make her leave". Mom sends her away. We both cry. Words must have been said. I can't remember any of it. It's like people always say "a haze". My world has just come crashing down. It was only 1 year, 3 months almost to the day that I lost my grandfather. I was only 19 when he died, now at only 20 one of the other most important people I have ever known is gone. 2 gone in a little over a year.

That same day I have promised my family to be at a Memorial Weekend BBQ at the river. I've told only 3 people about it...Sandy, Kara, and my mom. Sandy and Kara reach out to me. I think they both went to the BBQ with me for moral support. Not a word is said about what has transpired. They know better. I don't want them, I don't want anyone, I want my momma Kate. I want her and only her. The same person I always want when my heart is broken.

I try to e-mail him about her. He won't tell me anything through the e-mail. He wants me to call...I can't call. I'm not strong enough. I'm not ready. We lose touch. He moves on. I don't.

And so the years pass...

6 months (ish) ago:
I find him on facebook. He leads me to Martha. Thank you Kate, thank you God, thank you Martha. I find some answers and start the grieving process all over.

Present:
I don't know if knowing more has helped or made it worse. All I know is that my life feels broken still. 5 years later. 5 fucking years...when does it stop hurting like hell? When does my heart quit feeling broken? When does it quit feeling like there is a piece of my soul missing? I think I know more than I should about losing a parent at a young age. It's too hard for anyone to understand how much I relied on her...how much she truly was my mommy. How much only she understood about me. No one has ever known me as well as she did. I worry no one will. I worry no one will understand how much she means to me and how much it hurts to be without her. I have had friends who have lost a parent. They think that what I feel isn't the same. I won't say they are wrong. I also won't say that they are right. I can't begin to know what they feel, but the feeling of emptiness that they feel when they think of that parent...that loving, devoted, caring, compassionate person...that I know. The yearning to see that person, the need to just have them tell you everything is okay is all too familiar.

There are so many unanswered questions. So many resentments toward him, toward her brother, toward her son. Her asshole son was there...the daughter of her heart and soul was not. Fair? I think not. She didn't even LIKE her son...let alone her brother. I can't wrap my mind around his grief...I can't imagine why he would tell her son and her brother and not me. I can only speculate. Was it because he resented me? Was it because he knew how much she and my mom still meant to each other? Was it just that he wasn't thinking? He called me within a day so how could he not know...How could her own son not care enough to write an obituary? Why did he let her brother in on even the minutest details? The why's go on forever. I will likely never speak to him. I honestly don't know if I care to, to be honest. I'm not sure I could deal with him even to this day. I'm angry and I know to my core it doesn't help things. I know in my soul that not liking him, her brother, her son, the situation, the way it was handled, the way I let him overlook me, any of it, I know that it doesn't help. I know that it only hurts me. Yet, somehow, I can not overlook it.

I am like her in so many ways that I can not even begin to explain. The BFF sees it, mom sees it, anyone who saw us together sees it, saw it, or at the very least starts to see it eventually. If you look close she's in there...inside of me. In my heart, my soul, my mind, my spirit. She has shaped me into this person. The one with the freak outs over weird things, the sometimes obsessive behavior, the love of the unconventional, the love of the spiritual, the cook, the person who makes her own family, that girl that has so much passion sometimes that it seems insane. That person who loves cats, laughs at things inside her head, gives her mom shit like it's nobody's business and gets away with it when no one else can, that person that is unorganized as hell and can't find shit. That girl that loves Christmas, craft shows, music, and good movies. The girl that has learned to see beyond what is and see what may be, what can be, or what someone is not saying. The opinionated advice giving lecturing mom type. That sweet child that was always referred to as an old soul...she knew that person better than anyone because she helped create her. That girl is me. The real me. The me that sometimes feels very alone and very lost without her. The me that wonders...Do we ever truly get over this kind of soul deep loss? If this is not a broken heart what is? How do I move past this? And how do I learn to keep my heart open enough to not miss out on all the things life has to offer? She would want me to keep an open heart...she would want me to laugh, love, live, be happy. Yet, in times like today, I still struggle to see past the loss to what is to come. But I will be okay...because my parents...the collective whole of them...have taught me that I can survive anything. And because I have the greatest support system in the best people anyone could ever have.

ltml - October 26

Dear I'm going to blog at least once a week me,
You suck at this and have nothing to say. That's all.
Sincerely,
Me that forgets or has nothing to say

Dear beautiful wonderful amazing niece,
Quit growing up so quickly...18...wow, 8 frickin teen! I remember watching movies and sledding with you. I remember you and k-bug following me around. I remember you begging the g-parents to let you tag along to my basketball games and watch me cheer. I remember little you with you little cherub face and your little sweet way of kicking my ass at cards. I remember everything. I love you and now I think I will have to dedicate a post solely to you.
Love love love,
The luckiest aunt in the whole wide world

**side note...I know schmoopy (as LiLu puts it), but I can't help myself

Dear tree in my back yard,
I can't wait until the condo association gets enough money to cut you down. You are leafing in my porch and I am sick of sweeping. On the other hand, at least you provide me some comic relief by deciding to send half of it across the street to A and the girls. Funny as hell!
Sincerely,
You're annoying

Dear A,
Have fun raking those leaves!!! HAHAHAHAHA!
Love,
Your bitch neighbor with the big leafy fucking tree

Dear BFF,
You do too have insurance...maybe not health, but you have car and home owners. I was right...AGAIN - even if it was just a technicality.
Sincerely,
quit being crabby it was a joke

Dear clients,
Once again - a reminder - I HATE you, but you are the reason I get a paycheck. I do not, however, want to hear your life story. I've heard it all before. Unless you have a sex tape shocker I do NOT care. Oh wait, I don't care about that either, been there heard that.
Sincerely,
Disgruntled answerer of the phones...

Dear Remote Start,
I love you. I can't believe it took almost 10 years of parking outside in the snow to finally get you.
Loving,
The non-window scraper

Dear readers,
Thanks again. BTW - we're still on for the free booze if you make it to good ol' Montana.
Thanks a million,
J

ltml - October 5th

Dear weather,
WTF!? Snow in the beginning of October...this is terrible. Why can't you just pretend that Montana is California for a while?
Sincerely, I fucking hate winter and anyone who loves it can trade places with me (unless it's snows where your from)

Dear MT drivers,
It's that time of year again. That white shit on the ground is called snow. It happens every year. EVERY. YEAR. It will take you longer to stop than normal...please don't rear-end me. Also, all of the same driving rules apply...like get in the intersection when you're turning left b/c J does NOT want to be waiting for you to get brave all day.
Sincerely, I don't the money to fix my car or the patience for you.

Dear Cougar Town,
Thank you for giving Courtney Cox a new comedy. I love it. Also, thank you for the sarcastic chick from scrubs. Awesomeness...
Sincerely, I actually have another "must see" TV show for the first time since SATC ended.

Dear Chick from Scrubs,
Welcome back to the world...we missed you.
Sincerely, That girl that rarely watched Scrubs but remembers that you were hilarious

Dear Firefox,
Why are you such an asshole? I really can't watch ABC epi's at work on you?!? The BFF says you work for her just fine...Google chrome it is then.
Sincerely, disgruntled Cougar Town viewer

Dear NBC,
WTF!?!? Jay Leno at 9 pm every SINGLE night?
Sincerely, Jay Leno should be kept on late night

Dear people who wear too much perfume/cologne/body spray/deodorant,
You do NOT have to bathe in it. Actually the world would prefer you didn't...seriously you offend my nostrils every time I have to smell that. Also, I'm mildly allergic to some brands...AXE being the popular one at the moment...so I am begging you - please don't wear that when you go out in public. Also, ladies - you smell like a $2.00 hooker, which is only okay if you are, in fact, a hooker. Otherwise - TONE IT DOWN METHINKS!
Thank you, the girl who thinks you smell almost as bad as the BO you're trying to cover

Oh my life...ltml take 3 - sept 23

I have learned in the past week that I should really start writing down things so that these cover things...also, I'm sick so I feel not as funny but here goes:

Dear person in the big red truck: Thanks for almost hitting me on my way back from lunch asshole. Glad I have good brakes! Note to others: Look before changing lanes.

Dear Higher Power: WTF are you doing? My life is not a joke...I'm mean srsly this is ridiculous - let a girl have a breather!

Dear person who wasn't worth mentioning last week: My bad. I'm an asshole...Thanks for admitting I'm not a terrible person. I'm glad you remembered that you CAN talk to me even if you feel like your being a bitch. Welcome to the club!

Dear client who dumped us for no reason: Fuck you! Dude your wife is going to screw you over so bad! HAHA! Good luck jackass! I shall go tell her attorney to have a field day...and he will because I bring him COOKIES! Take that!

Dear Kanye West: Imma let you get back to your life, but Taylor Swift had the best...okay I got nothin' dude! You're just kind of a jackass. Oh, and btw I totally didn't buy your fake ass apology on Jay Leno (which I saw on youtube...of course I didn't actually watch)

Dear client that thinks we aren't mean enough: It's not us it's you. Quit feeling sorry for yourself.

Dear AA people: Quit telling people it is OKAY to feel sorry for themselves! It's counter productive.

Dear Kelly: I am still not wearing that nightie thing even if I find it to tell you where it ended up. However, that does not mean that I don't love you and that you don't owe me a drink for even making me take it home. Margaritas on you? yes please! :)

Dear Pro Auto Sound and Security: 7-10 days does NOT mean 3 weeks. Pull your head out of your ass. My mommy paid really good money for you to put that remote start in my car!

Dear BFF: I did NOT receive snacks the last time I was over with hubs. What is your problem? Get on it woman! I want my booze and snacks like you promised while I'm "entertaining" the hubby! Also, I know you think it's a bit "weak sauce" that I'm fine with that girl again, but please move on...plz

Dear Girl who should be bitch slapped: It is NEVER ok to kiss your sister's boyfriend...even if you're drunk. Not cool!

Dear fat cat: Just because you're cat box is not filled with litter (little kitty got de-clawed - I know I'm mean - anywho) does NOT mean you should pee in my bathroom sink and shit in my shower! I should kill you but you're so fat and cute...the dilemma!

Dear 5 followers (yep 5!): Thank you! You're awesome and if you ever make it to Montana I will buy you alcohol. Promise...or cookies if you don't drink...which is always kind of sad, but I feel your pain.

Dear Blogger: I hate you right now - I can't see my followers so I can't link them to my last point. DAMNIT you're as bad as facebook sometimes!

Letters to my life September 16 edition

Ok...so in an attempt to not be an epic failure like the BFF Twiggy...thanks for finally updating...anywho - I am going to attempt to do all of my bitching in on this blog in this form once a week or month or year or whenever the hell I feel like it. Hey it's something to do at my boring ass job and it helps me to be less annoyed (or more - not sure). So here goes week 2:

Dear person who's name isn't even worth mentioning: Fuck you and the horse you rode in on. Yep I'm still pissed a week and a half later. I can't believe you insulted me and the bff. So much for me being your "best friend". If this is how you treat people you can keep you. I don't want you anymore me thinks. I know that this may or may not (or probably never will) be over at some point, but I gotta tell ya...I have helped you take care of your kids more than almost anyone else and yet you think that I think kids are such a HUGE burden. Oh wait - THEY ARE, but they are a burden that I would gladly take on for the BFF. Just FYI - her kids will hopefully be potty trained before they are 4 and SHE probably won't feel the need to yell at them ALL THE TIME. So thanks for the eye opener on how important I am to you.

Dear Kitty: I'm soooo sorry you are at the vet getting de-nutted. You're still an asshole though and yes your claws have to go...also, could you please get your cuteness to pay for new carpet? Thankyouverymuch. And again - I feel guilty...but you're still kinda an asshole...

Dear client that doesn't listen: The other attorney is out of town ALL week. Period. The End. ALL WEEK. Quit calling us and asking us if we've heard anything. The answer will be the same no matter what...

Dear client that is an asshole (that was also in here yesterday): Dream on jackass...there is no way you are getting full custody - try away man! Good luck with that...and btw why did you have kids with the bitch? Also, why did you need to bring your girlfriend you fucking pussy? You aren't man enough or she suddenly acquired a law degree? She's about as smart as a left nut you fuckwad. Have you listened to the girl like EVER!?!?

Dear Facebook: I still hate you. You never work right for me...and apparently I'm not the only one. Fix yourself immediately!

Dear Cellphone: I also still hate you...Come Oct 7th we are done! Thank you baby Jesus!

Dear life: Why do you have to be so fucking complicated? Why do you have to shit on the lives of kids? I mean is it really necessary to give a teenager cancer? WTF?!? I mean I think it's shit when it happens to adults, but srsly COME ON!

Dear new baby Aaydan: Welcome Sugar...may your life be everything your parents dream.

Dear little Tristan: Careful when you hit your new brother...I know it's inevitable that you will, but some day he may be bigger than you. He'll remember how you treated him and if your not careful he'll kick your ass. Also, make sure that mom isn't looking when you do. You will get in WAAAAY more trouble if she sees it :)

Dear BFF: I lover you...and your husband (in the dirtiest way possible)...I will be sneaking in to have my weekly tryst with the hubs tonight at 10...you can watch if you'd like :) Oh, and thanks for being pissed at that one chick for me...but you're still an asshole you Edward fantasizing weirdo!

Dear new Twilight movie: Please can't you premiere like a month early so I can stop hearing about this shit!?!?! I mean you are the talk of the town and I got PUT ON HOLD so that the BFF could listen to your new trailer. You are bullshit, but hopefully you are BETTER bullshit than the first movie b/c when Stephanie Meyer said that you shimmer I'm pretty sure she didn't think you'd look like you got rolled in gold glitter glue...justsayinisall!

Dear people who read this: Fake like you follow me...I'm pathetic with only 2 followers. I will make you cupcakes. Ok that's a lie, but I will follow you back...probably, unless your some creepy fat guy who looks like a child molester. If you are I guess ignore this post. And every other post.

Dear everyone who made it this far: Thanks...I now love you more than the BFF - k well maybe not that much but thanks...

Letters to my life...

okay so a few messages for life and people...basically this should be titled "Shit I wish I could actually vocalize without fear for my life (or job or whatever)"

Dear Billings Drivers: Get a fucking clue. Turn signals are there for a reason...also, you do NOT have to come to a complete stop to turn and YES you can turn left on red from a one way to a one way...

Dear American Solutions: FUCK YOU and FUCK Newt fucking Gingrich! Tell that old fucker to die already would you!

Dear Fate: Quit shitting on Kelly. Thank you.

Dear Clients: It is not my fault you are ridiculously stupid. It is not my fault you married some stupid asshole. It is not my fault that the world does NOT revolve around you no matter how badly you want it to.

Dear Tweet Deck and Facebook: WTH is wrong!?!? Why can't you both just work right!?!?

Dear cellphone: Kiss my ass you piece of shit. I can't wait to run over you until you are in a million little pieces...bastard.

And Dear little kitty: You claw me up you shitass, but the joke is on you - in 9 days you will have your balls cut off and your front claws taken out. I debated the declaw until you destroyed the bottom step. Enjoy your week asshole.

Join the Impact/Prop 8 is bullshit and here's another person who agrees with me on that...

So I talked about Rachel over at I'm a Mom in Real Life and how she's doing a super cool trip to DC for Join the Impact Chicago...and also how she's doing a super awesome internet campaign to raise money so that she can take a few more people (more people = bigger impact...yes!?!?). Well I talked about it already and so this will be short.
Mom in Real Life Rachel is doing a giveaway to anyone who shows that they support her effort - she has a ton of really great stuff from a bunch of fabulous people. Here is a link to the newest news on Mom in Real Life fundraiser/giveaway.

“I never doubted that equal rights was the right direction. Most reforms, most problems are complicated. But to me there is nothing complicated about ordinary equality.” Alice Paul

Mom In Real Life Fundraiser

Here is a picture of the blanket that will be part of Mom In Real Life's Fundraiser giveaway - sorry the picture quality is so crappy, I had to use my cell phone. It's dark gray and bright yellow - the yellow is brighter than it looks...

to read about her fundraiser click here

conflict of interest anyone?

Okay so I marvel at the stupidity of the average person...especially when they have absolutely no clue about anything professional. For those of you who don't know(God I hope you do)...when you work for a professional there is a thing called "conflict of interest" - this can happen in several different ways...at my office it is more often than not because we have represented someone in the past and then that person's ex wants to take them back to court and thinks we should be willing to do it or it's someone that we know way too much about the other party (not always a conflict, but certainly can be). So...that makes sense does it not? And for those of you who don't understand "conflict of interest" get on that shit...it's useful to understand.

Also, there is a thing call attorney/client privilege - it's like dr/patient confidentiality...pretty much exactly like it actually. It means that we can say shit about anyone that is or was a client. Now, that being said the stupidity is rampant and since you don't know our client and whatnot I can totally tell you about things in a very round about you don't know who it is and will NEVER figure it out way...like doctors say "I once had a patient who..." - not very professional, but they can get away with it...usuallly. Whenever we have a conflict (or just someone I don't like) I will send them to various other attorney's...Mostly a man we'll call K.S....this was one that got sent his way...I'm sure he'd thank me if he knew I sent him the crazies!

Anyway that being said here's my conversation with some dumbass that called:

Dumbass: My name is....and I'm calling for my son.
(okay - now this dude sounds ancient - so I'm all "fuck another one of these 'I can't shit without someone there to wipe my ass' people" - not a good way to start off with me...I am your gateway to the attorney in this office)
Me: okay and what can we do for you?
Dumbass: Well he needs to know if you STILL represent .....
Me: I can't tell you that
Dumbass: Oh really, Why?
Me: because whether we do or don't represent .... you know that we may have at one point
Dumbass: Ok. Well he has a couple of kids with....and he needs a lawyer.
Me: To help with the kids he has with her?
Dumbass: Yeah he needs someone to protect him.
Me: Um...that's a conflict of interest.
Dumbass: Oh really WHY?
Me (in my head): (are you fucking kidding me? Srsly you can't figure that one out)
Me (to dumbass): because if we ever represented her there is client privilge.
Dumbass: (long pause) Oh really? well, um....
Me: Okay I'm going to give you K.S. (another attorney)'s number...he's great you should call

And that my friends is how KS gets stuck with our shit storm...I send all the crazy, stupid, or just plain weird people to him...you ARE welcome Mr. S! All my love, J!

Sarah Palin moving to Montana...oh shit

Here are my and my mother's thoughts on STAR Magazine's report that Rep. Ex-Alaskan Gov. Sarah Palin might move to Montana....they talk about a blog by a man named Jesse Griffin who lives in Alaska - his blog The Immoral Minority (which btw I kinda love) and his August 1 report that the Palin's are "Splitsville" - read about it here. He says, "According to my source Sarah is finished with Todd and has decided to end their marriage. She has purchased land in Montana (I wonder whose donations paid for that?), and may be considering moving herself and the children as far away from Alaska as she can get." Holy shit kids...anyone not living in Montana need a roomie??

This is verbatim from Yahoo IM...

Jesse: Sarah fucking Palin is a sissy weenie girl for someone that the Repub's wanted as VP
LLH: I'm going to pretend like I still know how to work now
Jesse: oh fuck and she's talking about moving here!
Jesse: She wants to relocate to MONTANA
Jesse: SHIT!
LLH: FUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LLH: she won't end in Eastern Montana / it's too dry and hot and she's a sissy
Jesse: haha - that's great - it's in Star magazine so we'll see if it happens, but crapity crap if it does...I don't want her to ruin the Western Part either though!
LLH: we'll just have to knock her to the ground (inadvertently of course) and show her how she doesn't belong here
Jesse: no shit - she thinks she's tough being from alaska...let her try on some Montana tough
LLH: she going to run for governor here / bet you money / red state / Schwitzer is reaching his term limit
Jesse: fuck her - no way!
LLH: we'll have to move to Alaska to get away from her
Jesse: haha - no shit huh!?!
LLH: I'm almost as funny as you

and that kids is why my mom is one of the coolest, funniest people ever! Apparently, we're moving to Alaska! FML

Come on people now, smile on your brother, everybody get together, try to love one another right now!

okay so I realize that maybe no one will see this, and I did NOT write this - I totally stole it off of mominreallife's blog...However, Rachel and I have been tweeting back and forth about her cause which you can read more about here, here, and mostly here. You can also FAN her cause on facebook. Now being that my mom is a lesbian and I have many many gay friends and family I find these posts to be very poignant...I am in full support of Rachel and what she is trying to accomplish. May the march in Washington be successful and may we ALL be EQUAL soon! Thank you for your effort mominreallife!

I post this with no regrets

Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Today I am being what will be considered in the blogging world as "passive aggressive". But I'm annoyed and you guys know that I am not one to bite my tongue....
Hell I am more than annoyed, I'm actually a little pissed.

After I say this will it help? Not sure, don't care.

As all of you know I am working very hard to try to raise money for my LGBTQ cause and I am FLOORED by the help I have received. I mean it. I seriously have had tears in my eyes multiple times during this journey. But just as there is as a ton of support going on, I also notice some silence.
Am I mad if someone doesn't donate? Not in the slightest. In this economy, or even a good economy, not everyone has the ability to give money.
Am I mad if someone doesn't post this on their blog? If I contacted you and you gave me a reason why, then no I am not. Your blog is your space. If you want to keep politics out of it, I understand.
Am I mad if you don't RT anything at all about this?
Yes.

I watch people RT about giveaways, other bloggers, humorous things, their own blog. But they can't do the simple cut & paste for a good cause? That is frustrating. What makes it worse as that some people enjoy the "Gay culture" but can't do the simplest action?
Did you squeal with excitement/jealousy when you heard Tim Gunn was going to be at Blogher? So you will take a picture with a gay man, but not help him out?
What are your reasons?

Do you not like me? Fine, I really don't give two shits, but then treat me like the Perez Hilton of the fight. Annoying as hell but still doing the right thing. Don't let your feelings for me punish the people that need your help.

Do you not have any feelings (good/bad) about the cause? Your apathy is killing the movement and in a sense, it's killing members of the LGBTQ community. The longer our politicians can stall on the Hate Crime bill the longer the country is told that a LGBTQ life is less than a yours. The longer that the government stalls on granting partners relationship rights, the longer a sick LGBTQ has family that they may not have seen in decades making medical decisions for them, rather than the partner they have shared their bed with for 20 years.

Do you think I am thinking I am better than you? Well I don't! Every penny, every new reader, every bit of attention I get is because of you guys! If a blogger tweets in the internet, and no one RT's, is she really being heard?
Not in the slightest.

So there, I said it all.
I'm sure some of you think I'm talking about you.
I'm sure some of you are pissed off at me.
But before you go ranting on the internet take a long hard look at yourself. Why do you think I'm talking about you? Is it because you fall under the categories I spoke about?
Which is worse? Me calling you out, or you turning your back on the LGBTQ community

Apathy is no longer an excuse.

"Be the change you want to see in the world" Ghandi

I realized another problem...

this blog is known to far too many people that I know (that number being like 3 - but still). I cannot talk about some shit on here because of the fear that these people might talk. Fuck! I can't tell my funny stories about my friends getting it on up on The Rims (yep - that's what they're called), I can't talk about them fucking complete strangers, and worse yet - I can't talk about my crazy best friends...or can I - ladies weigh in...will you be offended if I talk about you and no one else knows it's you? You know who you are - also, what if I'm pissed at you and go off...will that upset you (Pister - you know I mean you, right?)?

I can't write anything funny...but it doesn't matter anyway

okay so it's been forever - well only a couple of months, but still - since I updated. I seriously read every blog that is listed on my page here...srsly every new post. Both of those things being said I realized A) Those people are funny as hell B) I'm funny as hell, but I have no funny stories to blog about C) it doesn't matter b/c no one reads this shit anyway. So if anyone who might stumble upon this blog can think of any stories that I may have please feel free to leave me a comment. (If people actual read this I would tell funny stories about people from work, but since no one does I would only be entertaining myself...Kara those are out)

5 years ago today...my life changed forever...

"You can shed tears that she is gone,
or you can smile because she has lived.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her and only that she's gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind, be empty, and turn your back,
or you can do what she'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on."
(She's Gone by Anonymous)

Kathryn Ann Rae Zednick left our world a better place 5 years ago today. Enveloped in love and music with Kevin and Martha by her side, she joined her mother, father, and sister in what she once called Paradise. To those she left behind it feels like an eternity and yet it still feels like yesterday. Kate was a kind, compassionate, and loving person and as so left behind many who remember her fondly.

Born February 2, 1952 to John and Jeanne Rae, she was already a spitfire. She grew up in Roundup with her sister, Carole and brother, John. She was an active child and grew into an active adult. She believed boredom was only a state of mind, and that one should never allow herself to be bored. Kate was far from boring and was rarely bored for long. She graduated from Roundup High School and went on to Montana State University Bozeman for her undergraduate degree and then Washington, where she obtained her Masters in Social Work. She worked for the state for a while, but eventually opened her own practice. Kate was very well loved by her many patients throughout the years and in returned she loved them too. It was during her time in private practice that Kate discovered her passion for alternative medicine. She loved learning about new types of treatment and teaching them to others. This passion turned into a new path. Kate became a Reiki master. She loved Reiki, the people it brought to her, and the people to whom it brought her. She was skilled at explaining what Reiki does and making people feel at ease. It seemed to be the perfect fit. Eventually during her life Kate would move from Montana to the Virgin Islands and fulfill her life-long dream to live by the ocean. She was very happy there and loved the people and scenery.

She left behind many who loved her including: Kevin Wickenburg (her love), friend Martha Wynne-Ferro and her husband Tom, friends Elizabeth and Rick Jenkins, son Casey Zednick and his wife Yukari, daughter Jessica Lofland, daughter of her heart Jesse Harris, brother John Rae and his wife Susan (and their 3 boys), special ex Linda Harris, special cousins the Robbins girls, nephew Jeremy Rae, and many many others who will always remember her.

** I know there are parts that seem incomplete and for that I'm sorry, but it's still a little stingy to talk about some stuff. So since there was never an obit I decided to write my own memorial one...

Return to Life by Miguel Angel Ruiz

This a poem that Kate once gave to me. It took on new meaning when I was finally able to "talk" to her best friend and find out the entire story behind her (Kate) death. I will miss you eternally Mama Kate, but I am grateful for the kindness of your friend(s). Thank you for picking such special people to share with me. I will miss you every day of my life, but at least now I can mend the hole...

I waken
and nothing is the same.
For the first time,
I open my eyes,
These eyes of mine
I long believed could see
and find that all I knew as true
was nothing but a false dream.

Then, like a radiant star,
The Angel of Death,
The Angel of Life became
And transformed my dream
From a dream of fear,
To a joyful comedy.

So surprised, I ask the Angel,
"Am I dead?"
She replies,
"Yes, for these many years, though your heart beat on,
Your mind slept in the grave illusion
Unconscious of you Divinity.:

"Now, with heart beating,
And body breathing,
Your mind has wakened from hell,
Renewed, your eyes
Admire the beauty awaiting you."

"Your divine awareness awakens
All the love in your being.
Hating and fearing forsaken,
Gone are the guilt and the blame.
Your soul forgives,
Your Divinity Lives."

My eyes, in fascination
Stare at the Angel
Sensing the truth waking in me.
I surrender, willingly,
Without condition.
Humbly receiving
Death and Life,
To Hell, I release all claim
And with new eyes,
See my eternal love...leaving

The shit show called my illness...

So is it just me or do doctors not seem to care what you tell them? I hate doctors and now I'm remembering why. I went to the doctor he ran a bunch of tests, put me on some really really expensive medication, and now is like well keep taking the medication even if it's making things worse. It's giving me nightmares, insomnia, and making the nausea I've had worse. I talked to his nurse and asked if there is a reason they have me on an acid reducer and she was like well it doesn't really say and that the doctor said that if I didn't want to take it I didn't have to. So my question is why did they even bother to put me on that after my endoscopy -- wouldn't they have seen if my stomach was making excess acid?? Maybe I wouldn't be so confused if ANYONE there could explain the results to me. So now I still feel like crap - have spent thousands of dollars I don't have - and still have no answers - yay me...I have a call into my regular physician who is actually a PA not a DR but at least she's semi-helpful and willing to listen to me!

Doctors don't know shit...esp. mine

okay so I got an endoscopy - for those of you who don't know...this is where they knock you out and shove a teeny-tiny camera down your throat...and for the record my throat now hurts and my stomach isn't any better. This endoscopy didn't show Mr. GI Doc anything apparently. So he put me on some pills that cost $211/month - yep $211.00 per month! WTF!? I cannot afford such luxuries as overly expensive pills. All of this and I still have to eat radioactive eggs for him next week. Apparently they will x-ray me every 15 minutes to see how fast my stomach does/doesn't work. Whatever...all of this is what they tell me after I have been to 3 different docs about 10 different times. I just want to know what the hell is wrong with me so that I can go back to my job and normal life...apparently that is TOO much to ask.

On another note...Susan Serandon was on the View today...she was fabulous for what I saw, but I just couldn't get past how annoying Elisabeth Hasselbeck is...I'm telling you this is what my life has come to...Watching The View and ordering way too much crap online all the while feeling like shit...sad...

February 2, 1952

I wasn't even born yet. I wasn't even thought of yet. Not even a twinkle in my parent's eyes at that point. I don't know what the weather was like. I don't know what Roundup, Billings, Shepherd, or Lockwood, Montana looked like on that day. Hot, cold, snowy...I have no idea. I can't remember that part of the story. All I know about that day is that it was the day one of the most significant people to every be in my life was born that day. She was named after her parents child that was born before her and died shortly after birth. Her name was Kathryn Ann Rae, she would be 57 today and I wish that I had written down every story, every detail, everything that she had ever told me. She was my "Mama Kate" and she is one of the biggest reasons that I'm glad my mom is gay. I would not be a fraction of the person I am today without her. In her life she taught me a lot. She taught me about boys and periods, makeup and backstabbers, how to fight fair (and sometimes unfair). She helped teach me how to stand up for myself, to tell the truth, to love people even if they aren't blood relatives, to be kind and patient, and mostly how to be myself. She taught me about Reiki, massage therapy, Mandala's, and all things "airy fairy". She taught to me to try and be the best version of me I can be on any given day and that even when I'm not the greatest person - she will still love me and so will mom even when she looks like she wants to kill me (I already knew all of this, but she definitely cemented it). She introduced me to my friend forever, Alissa and her parents. She introduced me to temporary friends, Martha, Liz, Sue, and Sheila. She took me to Chico for Reiki gatherings and Easter with mom and Casey, to Yellowstone Park just because we wanted to take a "mother/daughter" trip, she took to me Yellowstone Park because Liz's niece was here and again with mom, we went to Arizona every single year. She took me with her to Roundup at least once a month to see her family. When her dad died - we were around. When her mom died I skipped a week of school to be there. When her sister and my grandfather died in the same month she made sure that I was ok and asked me to come to her sister's funeral. There aren't many memories from the time I was 11 until I was 16 where she was around somewhere. She moved out when I was 16, moved to the Virgin Islands somewhere around 17. We talked every week and most of the time we talked a few times a week. We e-mailed on the days we didn't talk. We had such plans and she would always be sure to tell me that I would only get better as I got older. She would tell me stories of her and her friends discussing what my life would be like and how I would accomplish such great things. So many stories and so many more memories that can't even be described. She died in May of 2004. I don't deal with the grief well and it's still there everyday, but today sucks worst of all because she would be 57 and 57 isn't very old at all. I miss her every single day. I probably always will. Happy Birthday Mama Kate. I miss you and love you...

New President

Okay - sorry Republican friends, but srsly had to...I'm just too moved...

So I've been following the Inauguration off and on all day and I have to say -- It is AMAZING.
Not just because I voted for Obama, but because we as a country have come so far in past 40 years. We as a country have our first African American president. A FIRST for us. A beautiful, amazing, inspiring, historical first. Whether you are a democrat or republican you have to agree that you weren't sure you would ever see the day that we didn't elect a WHITE MAN to office. I mean I was absolutely positive that it would happen in my lifetime (because I'm enthusiastic like that), but I wasn't sure my mom would get to see what her generation (and the generation before that) fought so hard to achieve. It's fun to find myself caught up in the moment. Never have I ever watched so closely a President of the United States be sworn into office. I watched his speech with my mom - the person who taught me how truly meaningful it is for our country to have just sworn this man into office (thanks mom). This man who is African American, in this very moment in time. This moment she thought she would never see. My mom was born in 1950. She saw what John F. Kennedy started in his presidency and Lyndon B Johnson followed through with. She saw Martin Luther King Jr and Rosa Parks fight, she saw desegregation efforts. She saw as the government passed the Voting Rights Act of 1965. She saw Martin Luther King, Jr.'s speech and more than that she too saw his dream. She was young and white, but poor and compationate. She knew our country need a change then. She was elated to see the change and saddened by the deaths of JFK and MLK, Jr. And today of all days my mother cried at the huge step that we as a country have taken toward equal rights. Today she got to see what a generation of people thought they would only dream about happen. I got to see her dreams come true. I got to see the stories she told me make a difference and allow us to elect this very intellegent, capable man to office regardless of the color of his skin. As MLK, Jr. said "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character." Well, Dr. King, I do believe we just got one step closer.

25

So far I have to say that 25 feels just like 24 except for the part where I chopped off my hair. As you can see I had very long, gorgeous hair. I loved it...I'm really into my hair...srly really into it.

So the day started out a little shitty. I didn't feel very good when I woke up. - sidebar - children are germ mongers and that's probably the reason why I didn't feel good. Anyway, I was late for work, but I have awesome friends and family and got a ton of birthday wishes like first thing. The first one was actually from my friend Judy - who just happened to have been my 5th grade teacher. I didn't pick up the phone because, well, I was already hella late for work. So it was all good - she left a really funny message and I was on my way. So I got to work at 8:25 (supposed to be there at 8 - oops). My mom was already on the way to court and I felt like shit so I didn't really mind that I didn't have to listen to the client she had to go to court with. The rest of the morning was spent trying to kind of work and joking around with Kara about "old balls". She kept telling me I have them now and I kept reminding her that she had them first. It's a really long story, but I digress. So after that we played dots and I beat her 2 out of 3 times. HAHA! So 10:30 rolls around and it's time for my nail appt which is swiftly followed by the big chopping of the hair expedition. Nail appointment was awesome, I love my Shelly. I was still sick and so freakin' nervous. When it actually came time to cut my hair, JoHanna (my dear sweet hair lady/girl), was all about letting me reconsider (she's knows I dig my hair a lot). But I went through with it because it was either chop it all off or be annoyed longer....and...
I wouldn't look at myself until she washed it first off. Second, I am so glad I did it! I have a shit ton of hair and I am donating it to Beautiful Lengths (I've already donated to Locks of Love before). Beautiful Lengths makes real hair wigs for adult women with cancer. It was important to me to help someone that others might over look. I figure that if I were to get cancer and lose my hair I would freak...so other people must struggle with it too. 25 just seemed like a good time to make a change.
Anyway - I got like 20 posts on Facebook telling me happy b-day and managed to thank every single one of them. I got ooh's and ahh's over my new do. My mom tried to make my b-day kind of important even though she kind of pussed out. She was tired so I told her we'd do dinner another night - she's had a lot going on. My awesome neices told me I was the best aunt in the whole world....and my friend Ana made me dinner and there was a new episode of my show: Law and Order: Special Victims Unit. All in all a good day...except the fact that I found out Mariska Hargitay has a partially collapsed lung...not my favorite, but that's another story.
So I just want to say thanks to everyone who made yesterday a great b-day and let 25 slide w/o it being too hard...25 is one of my scary ages...

Shit days...and curse words

**be warned I'm in a bad mood - there will be swear words kids -
January 8th. I hate January 8th. The only good thing that ever happened on January 8th was my mom, with the possible exception of Kara's mom who also was born on January 8th. It's just one of those days that my mom and I expect for bad things to happen. I've missed the bus, missed class, been late for work, Kate left, and now mom is in a very uncomfortable meeting with someone that I have come to despise. It's like nothing good can happen on January 8th. I have no idea what's going on in her meeting and it feels like I'm going to puke because of it. Fucking January 8th - what a crock! Something good might be happening or something bad. I have no idea. This isn't anything that's any of my business either. I mean it's not like the world will end even if it's bad news, but come on, it's my mom's birthday. No she's not dying and yeah it will be fine in the end, but why do the most annoying people have to interrupt her birthday. She wanted to skip it this year and I said no...maybe that was a mistake...so I took care of everything but dinner and cake yesterday. This way it's only kind of her birthday. In other news I've come to realize that I only use this blog to vent. Oh well, it's my blog and I'll bitch if I want to...So today has just been a shit day all around. I'm not loving our clients, really not loving who we office share with, and pissed that people have to rain on my mom's birthday parade. The chick that we office share with has been extra annoying lately. She likes to wait until I look like I'm doing something (which it frequently does b/c I am constantly staring at the computer) and then come into my office and sit down. After she sits she proceeds to tell me all about why her criminal clients got the shit end of the stick. I'm supposed to be nice, but one of these days I swear I'm going to have a Jim Carey moment and tell her to just say "Quit breaking the law asshole" - and that will be the end of it. She represents criminals for shit's sake. I mean what the hell does she expect. They break the law over and over again because she keeps getting them off (okay well sometimes she gets them off). GAWD I hate stupid people...I was late for work today - as usual - only to come in and have my mom tell me we get to see 2 super annoying people today - oh yay! NOT! Then I'm here and I'm talking to my mom and start to cry (for those of you who don't know - I'm NOT a crier). I hate crying and I did it twice today. Fine, fine - I quit being a baby and mom goes to court. Then I'm frantically looking for the answer to my questions on line (never did find one anyway, but that the government for you). So finally I go to lunch and now I'm just really pissy. Hey though I didn't have to wait long to get mom and I lunch and Baskin Robbins made a really nice cake for her b-day so there's a plus. Then I get to Target and read a b-day card for her and it starts to make me cry again - srsly wtf - are my tear ducts broken, did I spring a leak? Fine whatever...got back from lunch, made mom cry and was informed that another annoying asshole was also coming in today and that Kara's mom was having a shitty b-day too. WTF -- when it rains it pours...ahhhhhhh!