September 8, 2009

Letters to my life...

okay so a few messages for life and people...basically this should be titled "Shit I wish I could actually vocalize without fear for my life (or job or whatever)"

Dear Billings Drivers: Get a fucking clue. Turn signals are there for a reason...also, you do NOT have to come to a complete stop to turn and YES you can turn left on red from a one way to a one way...

Dear American Solutions: FUCK YOU and FUCK Newt fucking Gingrich! Tell that old fucker to die already would you!

Dear Fate: Quit shitting on Kelly. Thank you.

Dear Clients: It is not my fault you are ridiculously stupid. It is not my fault you married some stupid asshole. It is not my fault that the world does NOT revolve around you no matter how badly you want it to.

Dear Tweet Deck and Facebook: WTH is wrong!?!? Why can't you both just work right!?!?

Dear cellphone: Kiss my ass you piece of shit. I can't wait to run over you until you are in a million little pieces...bastard.

And Dear little kitty: You claw me up you shitass, but the joke is on you - in 9 days you will have your balls cut off and your front claws taken out. I debated the declaw until you destroyed the bottom step. Enjoy your week asshole.

5 comments:

JKFriesz said...

Dear "friend"...get bent you idiot slut that doesn't know how to use birth control. Jesse will be an amazing parent and I would trust her with my, my husbands and my childrens lives before I would ever let your stupid fucking ass on the property. Thank you and fuck off you bitch.

Stacy & Matthew said...

You are too funny Jess. I love it!

Elise said...

Hi, just wanted to leave you a note because I really enjoyed this post, and to say - hello !. You have a great site here - really interesting. Thankyou for sharing it and best wishes... lovely to meet you, as it were....

booshy said...

Oh...do I sympathize with the traffic....I HATE TRAFFIC. I turn into a screaming lunatic..."GO! WHAT THE HELL! THE LIGHT IS GREEEEN! MOVE YOUR ASS! Dammit! You made me miss the light!"

mylittlebecky said...

oh those poor little kitten balls. sniffle. you are so very, very mean. and also? funny :)