October 5, 2009

ltml - October 5th

Dear weather,
WTF!? Snow in the beginning of October...this is terrible. Why can't you just pretend that Montana is California for a while?
Sincerely, I fucking hate winter and anyone who loves it can trade places with me (unless it's snows where your from)

Dear MT drivers,
It's that time of year again. That white shit on the ground is called snow. It happens every year. EVERY. YEAR. It will take you longer to stop than normal...please don't rear-end me. Also, all of the same driving rules apply...like get in the intersection when you're turning left b/c J does NOT want to be waiting for you to get brave all day.
Sincerely, I don't the money to fix my car or the patience for you.

Dear Cougar Town,
Thank you for giving Courtney Cox a new comedy. I love it. Also, thank you for the sarcastic chick from scrubs. Awesomeness...
Sincerely, I actually have another "must see" TV show for the first time since SATC ended.

Dear Chick from Scrubs,
Welcome back to the world...we missed you.
Sincerely, That girl that rarely watched Scrubs but remembers that you were hilarious

Dear Firefox,
Why are you such an asshole? I really can't watch ABC epi's at work on you?!? The BFF says you work for her just fine...Google chrome it is then.
Sincerely, disgruntled Cougar Town viewer

Dear NBC,
WTF!?!? Jay Leno at 9 pm every SINGLE night?
Sincerely, Jay Leno should be kept on late night

Dear people who wear too much perfume/cologne/body spray/deodorant,
You do NOT have to bathe in it. Actually the world would prefer you didn't...seriously you offend my nostrils every time I have to smell that. Also, I'm mildly allergic to some brands...AXE being the popular one at the moment...so I am begging you - please don't wear that when you go out in public. Also, ladies - you smell like a $2.00 hooker, which is only okay if you are, in fact, a hooker. Otherwise - TONE IT DOWN METHINKS!
Thank you, the girl who thinks you smell almost as bad as the BO you're trying to cover

8 comments:

Travis said...

The Missus said she liked Cougar Town, Fuck bad drivers, Fuck snow (cold?), Fuck Firefox, Chrome is awesome, and I'm headed up there with some stink so we can get those perfumed up bastards. Let's roll.

Carissajaded said...

Cougar Town is the best! I was beginning to think I was gonna have to watch arrested development AGAIN to get my good sitcom fix! And hells to the yeah chick from scrubs is back! though i watched scrubs religiously!

Maxie said...

agreed-- who the hell is going to watch jay leno when real tv shows are on??

Tori said...

Hi Jesse - I tried to find an email address on your site but couldn't. I totally forgot about it until I opened the package today. I just wanted to say thank you for the blanket it came just in time for this cold weather Calif. is experiencing and it's a bunch of snuggly goodness.

Thanks!

Organic Meatbag said...

Hehehehehe, for those with the excessive cologne/perfume, I had a co-worker that never showered and doused himself in some dreadful pseudo-Brut cologne so that he smelled like a hobo covered in Brut...therefore, I applaud what you wrote...hehehehe

LiLu said...

Oooo, Cougar Town is good?! Soooo checking it out...

Organic Meatbag said...

I don't understand why Jay Leno retires from doing a late night 1 hour comedy show, only to turn around and START ANOTHER FUCKING 1 HOUR COMEDY SHOW!!!!!
Yes, WTF???

Just Add Walter said...

I have heard a lot about this cougar town... I think I am going to have to watch now!

love your blog