December 23, 2009

end of the year wrap up

I published this on my other blog because well frankly it's long and boring and that's what that blog is is HERE if you are bored or have no life

Merry Christmas, Happy Channukah, Happy Kwanza, Happy Holidays, or whatever other PC thing I'm supposed to say...also, sorry if they are spelled wrong - I sure wouldn't want to offend anyone...

If you're drinking have one...naw 2 for me...I get sick if I drink...yay for my asshole stomach!

Thanks for the great year everyone!

Merry merry and be safe!

* Ps it's fucking snowing here...and the roads suck...if you want a white Christmas feel free to join me - I will buy you booze for being my entertainment... :)

December 16, 2009

ltml - fml edition

Dear Neighbor,
If you're going to play your guitar all shittily could you please cut yourself off at 10 pm like a polite person. I've never blasted you with my shit after 9:30...stupid snatch - if you don't knock it off I might cut you.
Sincerely, Disgruntled neighbor

Dear Neighbor's kid,
What are you deaf?? I can't believe my noise hasn't woken you up! Help a sista out over here and wake up screaming. It's the least you could do when you have count cuntula as a mom...fuck!
Always, Angry Bitch Next Door

Dear Ana and Andy,
I do not now nor have I ever cared about Andy's kids. As a matter of fact I couldn't care less what happens. I have helped and listened trying to be a good person. Why in the fuck would I want to listen to the two of you bitch about the same shit I hear at work EVERY SINGLE DAY!?!? Keep your own fucking drama dude...I'm officially out! May your lawyer keep his sanity the poor lad...I think next time I'll send you to someone I don't like.
Not cool, Me

Dear Mr K. Sweeney (the good one),
I'm apologizing now for my past and future mistakes. I know that I have sent you some gems. My bad...
Really do love ya, The girl who makes the shitty coffee and sends you nutcases

Dear Pister,
Add a fucking followers button and help people out...maybe you'd get more. I'm trying here. PS - thanks for you know that thing that you did that we can't talk about on here...(twss?)
Love, the good Pister

Dear followers,
Get your mind outta the gutter...
Thanks again for the love, J

December 14, 2009

I started a new blog for all of my "baggage"

to keep this blog down to a minimum with my baggage and drama (the non-funny kind) I started a new at - read if you'd like - if not I totally's not funny...AT ALL. Thanks fellow bloggers for your support on this blog. It truly means the world that complete strangers do care even on shitty days. I will still be here occasionally (you know like I'm a failure and don't blog often anyway)...nothing here will change except the occasions when I post here that I've posted there. I'll keep trying to be funny here even though I realize I'm not funny very often. It's like the jackpot though when I am! Thanks again all! Hopefully soon I'll have a good story...

December 8, 2009

haha...fml December 8th...

Dear Blog reading and potential writing self,
You were doing so well there you dill fuck...what happened? Where'd ya go?
Love, The person who used to read all the "good blogs" everyday

Dear Bloglanders,
Sorry I haven't been commenting or writing...I suck....My bad!
Yours, The girl who still owes each of you a beer

Dear 3 year old Pontiac,
Fuck you and your fucking battery you whiny piece of shit. I hate you right now...just start mother fucker.
Truly, The girl who is going to drive you off a cliff

Dear Mitchell,
You're my hero...thanks for dealing with my car, I still won't marry you.
Always, The bitch who probably doesn't deserve a friend like you

Dear Pister,
Hope you get that job. Glad the assholes at the insurance company finally let you go. Fuck them - they can fist themselves.
Sincerely, ME - duh

Dear below zero weather,
I hate you, but if you were going to come you couldn't have picked a funnier time to do so...All those Palin book waiters are batshit crazy.
Loving you for once, The girl who ISN'T going to wait in this weather for Sarah fuckin' Palin

Dear People in line a borders,'re all fucking crazy! Hope you had fun waiting for you 30 seconds with a moron.
Not yours, thankfully, The girl who thinks Sarah Palin is completely full of shit

Dear Sarah Palin,
Fuck you.
Also not yours truly, Jesse (aka girl who wishes you would just go away for good)