Dear person who is sitting in the waiting room,
MAKE A FUCKING APPOINTMENT...I HATE HATE HATE when people just "pop in". I don't care that you've called 5000 times (and yes it is annoying when you do that). Make a fucking appointment and she'll talk to you, otherwise, your mostly shit out of fucking luck! YOU are NOT the center of our universe!
Argh,
Pissed of Assistant
Dear Boss,
Are you trying to get me to quit? I mean seriously? Also, quit doing your own fucking scheduling - you SUCK at it. Seriously.
XO,
I wish the grad school would accept me already
Dear Grad School,
HELP! I'm drowning! You are my out! Just please accept me. I REALLY REALLY want to go to your school. I really want to be a social worker who goes into private practice. I love you all - you are awesome! I can't wait!
Love,
The girl who hopes that kissing your ass even karmicly (new word - yay) speaking works
Dear Montana weather,
I.hate.you. seriously. this is not longer love-hate. It's moved in to just plain detesting...what can I say...you are driving me batshit crazy. REALLY?? Snow? In May? YUCKO! I was just fishing like 2 weeks ago...
Seriously WTH,
Hater of the spring snow storms
Dear Pister,
Sorry my new blog thing was confusing. K and I are full of random. An explanation would have been good. My bad
XO,
The good Pister :)
Dear Stewie,
I totally heart you. Thank you for telling your sister that you think that I'm a neat person. Right back atcha!
XO,
J
Dear K/Summit,
I have a blog here that I'm on...here where I vent...and here with you! WTF am I thinking...I can't even keep up with one! But I'm super excited to blog together anyway!
XO,
J
Dear LiLu,
You're still the shit! Thanks for commenting all the time. I really do owe you a drink!
Always,
The ower of the drinks
Dear Hillbilly Duhn,
IDK you, but you follow 2 out of 3...which makes you a winner :) I love your hilarious antics. You and LiLu are 2 of my favorites!
Thanks,
I probably owe you a drink too
Dear other followers,
Sorry I suck...I would probably write more but I have 3 blogs and still nothing to say. Also, I'm not funny in writing...that's also shitty for you. But thanks for the follow anyway!
My bad,
I'm serious about you coming to Montana for a beer
Showing posts with label ltml. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ltml. Show all posts
May 6, 2010
January 20, 2010
ltml - Jan 20, 2010
Dear Blog,
I've been neglecting you...oh if only I were more clever or had more fun....boo
Xo, I should just retire from this now
Dear A's baby,
Hang in there until Friday please...your older sister made things difficult for me - you don't need to follow suit.
Thanks, Auntie Coo Coo
Dear Jorge from Yellowstone Country Clerk of Court,
Yep that's right dipshit...I'm totally naming your ass in my blog. Just FYI - you might want to be careful who you talk shit about. Not only is that person that ALLEGEDLY doesn't return your phone calls my boss but she's mom, she's FUCKING AWESOME at her job, and she's the poo (so take a big whiff). If you want to talk shit about her feel free, but know that I will find people to fuck with you just for fun. It's called torture and me likey.
Fuck you...
Sincerely, You're a dumbass
Dear Detectives,
Thank you for finding DNA evidence so that court is delayed and I don't have to be on the Jury. Cuz this shit would not have gone over well with me...(click to read what Jury I would have possibly been on)
No thank you to that crap, Unhappy potential Juror
Dear Yahoo Toolbar,
Fuck off! I hate you - It took me like 3 days and a google search to figure out that you were the cause of my "no right click on firefox" problem.
Argh, Unhappy internet user
Dear readers of this crappy blog,
Anything you want me to tell you? I have nothing to write about. I don't really have any TMI's (lilu style) or anything cool for Memoir Monday (Travis style)....I mostly just suck.
Thanks, Me
Dear old self,
You used to be a good writer in your day...what the fuck happened to you? Where'd ya go?
Not loving it, The new self who wishes to be the old self
I've been neglecting you...oh if only I were more clever or had more fun....boo
Xo, I should just retire from this now
Dear A's baby,
Hang in there until Friday please...your older sister made things difficult for me - you don't need to follow suit.
Thanks, Auntie Coo Coo
Dear Jorge from Yellowstone Country Clerk of Court,
Yep that's right dipshit...I'm totally naming your ass in my blog. Just FYI - you might want to be careful who you talk shit about. Not only is that person that ALLEGEDLY doesn't return your phone calls my boss but she's mom, she's FUCKING AWESOME at her job, and she's the poo (so take a big whiff). If you want to talk shit about her feel free, but know that I will find people to fuck with you just for fun. It's called torture and me likey.
Fuck you...
Sincerely, You're a dumbass
Dear Detectives,
Thank you for finding DNA evidence so that court is delayed and I don't have to be on the Jury. Cuz this shit would not have gone over well with me...(click to read what Jury I would have possibly been on)
No thank you to that crap, Unhappy potential Juror
Dear Yahoo Toolbar,
Fuck off! I hate you - It took me like 3 days and a google search to figure out that you were the cause of my "no right click on firefox" problem.
Argh, Unhappy internet user
Dear readers of this crappy blog,
Anything you want me to tell you? I have nothing to write about. I don't really have any TMI's (lilu style) or anything cool for Memoir Monday (Travis style)....I mostly just suck.
Thanks, Me
Dear old self,
You used to be a good writer in your day...what the fuck happened to you? Where'd ya go?
Not loving it, The new self who wishes to be the old self
January 2, 2010
Letters to my life - New Year edition
First off - new blog - over HERE - for anyone who cares...
Dear New Year's Eve...
Must you blow every year? WTF...
~Girl who stayed in when she should have been out
Dear Friends...
Really? No one wanted to be fun? Why is everyone so OLD suddenly?
~Quit being fogies ya assholes
Dear Cuzzin...
Sorry I didn't feel like coming out after hours of trying to find someone to go out with...
~Next year I'm callin yo ass first
Dear 2010...
Could you please suck WAY less than 2009...2009 was shitty and should not be repeated.
~thanks...girl who was sick for a huge chunk of last year
Dear guy I've been trying to make booty call...
Why so uninterested all of a sudden? Fucka - I'm trying here...although you don't know that's what I'm doing...so I'll keep pretending I'm interested.
~xo, Girl who's not as innocent as everyone thinks
Dear Pister and well other people who know me...
Shocked by that last one? Me too a little bit...and NO I will not talk to you about it...except you pister...maybe I will talk to you about it as long as you don't pull your "20 questions" bullshit. That's just gonna piss me off...I will give you as much info as I want, don't push it please.
~Love, the girl who is really not that girl
Dear people reading this thinking I'm bitchy....
Yes I am thanks...but she knows...
~Always the bitch
Dear USA Network...
Law and Order SVU marathon...yes please...thanksomuch!
~Straight girls love Mariska too
Dear TRUCK,
Please start you fucking piece of shit. At least long enough for me to move you over 6 inches...
~yeah - I fucking hate you
Dear Readers and bloggers,
Happy New Year...May all of your blog entertain me. I mean may it fucking rock! And long may you all rave!
~All the love I can muster, J
Dear New Year's Eve...
Must you blow every year? WTF...
~Girl who stayed in when she should have been out
Dear Friends...
Really? No one wanted to be fun? Why is everyone so OLD suddenly?
~Quit being fogies ya assholes
Dear Cuzzin...
Sorry I didn't feel like coming out after hours of trying to find someone to go out with...
~Next year I'm callin yo ass first
Dear 2010...
Could you please suck WAY less than 2009...2009 was shitty and should not be repeated.
~thanks...girl who was sick for a huge chunk of last year
Dear guy I've been trying to make booty call...
Why so uninterested all of a sudden? Fucka - I'm trying here...although you don't know that's what I'm doing...so I'll keep pretending I'm interested.
~xo, Girl who's not as innocent as everyone thinks
Dear Pister and well other people who know me...
Shocked by that last one? Me too a little bit...and NO I will not talk to you about it...except you pister...maybe I will talk to you about it as long as you don't pull your "20 questions" bullshit. That's just gonna piss me off...I will give you as much info as I want, don't push it please.
~Love, the girl who is really not that girl
Dear people reading this thinking I'm bitchy....
Yes I am thanks...but she knows...
~Always the bitch
Dear USA Network...
Law and Order SVU marathon...yes please...thanksomuch!
~Straight girls love Mariska too
Dear TRUCK,
Please start you fucking piece of shit. At least long enough for me to move you over 6 inches...
~yeah - I fucking hate you
Dear Readers and bloggers,
Happy New Year...May all of your blog entertain me. I mean may it fucking rock! And long may you all rave!
~All the love I can muster, J
December 16, 2009
ltml - fml edition
Dear Neighbor,
If you're going to play your guitar all shittily could you please cut yourself off at 10 pm like a polite person. I've never blasted you with my shit after 9:30...stupid snatch - if you don't knock it off I might cut you.
Sincerely, Disgruntled neighbor
Dear Neighbor's kid,
What are you deaf?? I can't believe my noise hasn't woken you up! Help a sista out over here and wake up screaming. It's the least you could do when you have count cuntula as a mom...fuck!
Always, Angry Bitch Next Door
Dear Ana and Andy,
I do not now nor have I ever cared about Andy's kids. As a matter of fact I couldn't care less what happens. I have helped and listened trying to be a good person. Why in the fuck would I want to listen to the two of you bitch about the same shit I hear at work EVERY SINGLE DAY!?!? Keep your own fucking drama dude...I'm officially out! May your lawyer keep his sanity the poor lad...I think next time I'll send you to someone I don't like.
Not cool, Me
Dear Mr K. Sweeney (the good one),
I'm apologizing now for my past and future mistakes. I know that I have sent you some gems. My bad...
Really do love ya, The girl who makes the shitty coffee and sends you nutcases
Dear Pister,
Add a fucking followers button and help people out...maybe you'd get more. I'm trying here. PS - thanks for you know that thing that you did that we can't talk about on here...(twss?)
Love, the good Pister
Dear followers,
Get your mind outta the gutter...
Thanks again for the love, J
If you're going to play your guitar all shittily could you please cut yourself off at 10 pm like a polite person. I've never blasted you with my shit after 9:30...stupid snatch - if you don't knock it off I might cut you.
Sincerely, Disgruntled neighbor
Dear Neighbor's kid,
What are you deaf?? I can't believe my noise hasn't woken you up! Help a sista out over here and wake up screaming. It's the least you could do when you have count cuntula as a mom...fuck!
Always, Angry Bitch Next Door
Dear Ana and Andy,
I do not now nor have I ever cared about Andy's kids. As a matter of fact I couldn't care less what happens. I have helped and listened trying to be a good person. Why in the fuck would I want to listen to the two of you bitch about the same shit I hear at work EVERY SINGLE DAY!?!? Keep your own fucking drama dude...I'm officially out! May your lawyer keep his sanity the poor lad...I think next time I'll send you to someone I don't like.
Not cool, Me
Dear Mr K. Sweeney (the good one),
I'm apologizing now for my past and future mistakes. I know that I have sent you some gems. My bad...
Really do love ya, The girl who makes the shitty coffee and sends you nutcases
Dear Pister,
Add a fucking followers button and help people out...maybe you'd get more. I'm trying here. PS - thanks for you know that thing that you did that we can't talk about on here...(twss?)
Love, the good Pister
Dear followers,
Get your mind outta the gutter...
Thanks again for the love, J
October 26, 2009
ltml - October 26
Dear I'm going to blog at least once a week me,
You suck at this and have nothing to say. That's all.
Sincerely,
Me that forgets or has nothing to say
Dear beautiful wonderful amazing niece,
Quit growing up so quickly...18...wow, 8 frickin teen! I remember watching movies and sledding with you. I remember you and k-bug following me around. I remember you begging the g-parents to let you tag along to my basketball games and watch me cheer. I remember little you with you little cherub face and your little sweet way of kicking my ass at cards. I remember everything. I love you and now I think I will have to dedicate a post solely to you.
Love love love,
The luckiest aunt in the whole wide world
**side note...I know schmoopy (as LiLu puts it), but I can't help myself
Dear tree in my back yard,
I can't wait until the condo association gets enough money to cut you down. You are leafing in my porch and I am sick of sweeping. On the other hand, at least you provide me some comic relief by deciding to send half of it across the street to A and the girls. Funny as hell!
Sincerely,
You're annoying
Dear A,
Have fun raking those leaves!!! HAHAHAHAHA!
Love,
Your bitch neighbor with the big leafy fucking tree
Dear BFF,
You do too have insurance...maybe not health, but you have car and home owners. I was right...AGAIN - even if it was just a technicality.
Sincerely,
quit being crabby it was a joke
Dear clients,
Once again - a reminder - I HATE you, but you are the reason I get a paycheck. I do not, however, want to hear your life story. I've heard it all before. Unless you have a sex tape shocker I do NOT care. Oh wait, I don't care about that either, been there heard that.
Sincerely,
Disgruntled answerer of the phones...
Dear Remote Start,
I love you. I can't believe it took almost 10 years of parking outside in the snow to finally get you.
Loving,
The non-window scraper
Dear readers,
Thanks again. BTW - we're still on for the free booze if you make it to good ol' Montana.
Thanks a million,
J
You suck at this and have nothing to say. That's all.
Sincerely,
Me that forgets or has nothing to say
Dear beautiful wonderful amazing niece,
Quit growing up so quickly...18...wow, 8 frickin teen! I remember watching movies and sledding with you. I remember you and k-bug following me around. I remember you begging the g-parents to let you tag along to my basketball games and watch me cheer. I remember little you with you little cherub face and your little sweet way of kicking my ass at cards. I remember everything. I love you and now I think I will have to dedicate a post solely to you.
Love love love,
The luckiest aunt in the whole wide world
**side note...I know schmoopy (as LiLu puts it), but I can't help myself
Dear tree in my back yard,
I can't wait until the condo association gets enough money to cut you down. You are leafing in my porch and I am sick of sweeping. On the other hand, at least you provide me some comic relief by deciding to send half of it across the street to A and the girls. Funny as hell!
Sincerely,
You're annoying
Dear A,
Have fun raking those leaves!!! HAHAHAHAHA!
Love,
Your bitch neighbor with the big leafy fucking tree
Dear BFF,
You do too have insurance...maybe not health, but you have car and home owners. I was right...AGAIN - even if it was just a technicality.
Sincerely,
quit being crabby it was a joke
Dear clients,
Once again - a reminder - I HATE you, but you are the reason I get a paycheck. I do not, however, want to hear your life story. I've heard it all before. Unless you have a sex tape shocker I do NOT care. Oh wait, I don't care about that either, been there heard that.
Sincerely,
Disgruntled answerer of the phones...
Dear Remote Start,
I love you. I can't believe it took almost 10 years of parking outside in the snow to finally get you.
Loving,
The non-window scraper
Dear readers,
Thanks again. BTW - we're still on for the free booze if you make it to good ol' Montana.
Thanks a million,
J
October 5, 2009
ltml - October 5th
Dear weather,
WTF!? Snow in the beginning of October...this is terrible. Why can't you just pretend that Montana is California for a while?
Sincerely, I fucking hate winter and anyone who loves it can trade places with me (unless it's snows where your from)
Dear MT drivers,
It's that time of year again. That white shit on the ground is called snow. It happens every year. EVERY. YEAR. It will take you longer to stop than normal...please don't rear-end me. Also, all of the same driving rules apply...like get in the intersection when you're turning left b/c J does NOT want to be waiting for you to get brave all day.
Sincerely, I don't the money to fix my car or the patience for you.
Dear Cougar Town,
Thank you for giving Courtney Cox a new comedy. I love it. Also, thank you for the sarcastic chick from scrubs. Awesomeness...
Sincerely, I actually have another "must see" TV show for the first time since SATC ended.
Dear Chick from Scrubs,
Welcome back to the world...we missed you.
Sincerely, That girl that rarely watched Scrubs but remembers that you were hilarious
Dear Firefox,
Why are you such an asshole? I really can't watch ABC epi's at work on you?!? The BFF says you work for her just fine...Google chrome it is then.
Sincerely, disgruntled Cougar Town viewer
Dear NBC,
WTF!?!? Jay Leno at 9 pm every SINGLE night?
Sincerely, Jay Leno should be kept on late night
Dear people who wear too much perfume/cologne/body spray/deodorant,
You do NOT have to bathe in it. Actually the world would prefer you didn't...seriously you offend my nostrils every time I have to smell that. Also, I'm mildly allergic to some brands...AXE being the popular one at the moment...so I am begging you - please don't wear that when you go out in public. Also, ladies - you smell like a $2.00 hooker, which is only okay if you are, in fact, a hooker. Otherwise - TONE IT DOWN METHINKS!
Thank you, the girl who thinks you smell almost as bad as the BO you're trying to cover
WTF!? Snow in the beginning of October...this is terrible. Why can't you just pretend that Montana is California for a while?
Sincerely, I fucking hate winter and anyone who loves it can trade places with me (unless it's snows where your from)
Dear MT drivers,
It's that time of year again. That white shit on the ground is called snow. It happens every year. EVERY. YEAR. It will take you longer to stop than normal...please don't rear-end me. Also, all of the same driving rules apply...like get in the intersection when you're turning left b/c J does NOT want to be waiting for you to get brave all day.
Sincerely, I don't the money to fix my car or the patience for you.
Dear Cougar Town,
Thank you for giving Courtney Cox a new comedy. I love it. Also, thank you for the sarcastic chick from scrubs. Awesomeness...
Sincerely, I actually have another "must see" TV show for the first time since SATC ended.
Dear Chick from Scrubs,
Welcome back to the world...we missed you.
Sincerely, That girl that rarely watched Scrubs but remembers that you were hilarious
Dear Firefox,
Why are you such an asshole? I really can't watch ABC epi's at work on you?!? The BFF says you work for her just fine...Google chrome it is then.
Sincerely, disgruntled Cougar Town viewer
Dear NBC,
WTF!?!? Jay Leno at 9 pm every SINGLE night?
Sincerely, Jay Leno should be kept on late night
Dear people who wear too much perfume/cologne/body spray/deodorant,
You do NOT have to bathe in it. Actually the world would prefer you didn't...seriously you offend my nostrils every time I have to smell that. Also, I'm mildly allergic to some brands...AXE being the popular one at the moment...so I am begging you - please don't wear that when you go out in public. Also, ladies - you smell like a $2.00 hooker, which is only okay if you are, in fact, a hooker. Otherwise - TONE IT DOWN METHINKS!
Thank you, the girl who thinks you smell almost as bad as the BO you're trying to cover
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