October 26, 2009

ltml - October 26

Dear I'm going to blog at least once a week me,
You suck at this and have nothing to say. That's all.
Me that forgets or has nothing to say

Dear beautiful wonderful amazing niece,
Quit growing up so quickly...18...wow, 8 frickin teen! I remember watching movies and sledding with you. I remember you and k-bug following me around. I remember you begging the g-parents to let you tag along to my basketball games and watch me cheer. I remember little you with you little cherub face and your little sweet way of kicking my ass at cards. I remember everything. I love you and now I think I will have to dedicate a post solely to you.
Love love love,
The luckiest aunt in the whole wide world

**side note...I know schmoopy (as LiLu puts it), but I can't help myself

Dear tree in my back yard,
I can't wait until the condo association gets enough money to cut you down. You are leafing in my porch and I am sick of sweeping. On the other hand, at least you provide me some comic relief by deciding to send half of it across the street to A and the girls. Funny as hell!
You're annoying

Dear A,
Have fun raking those leaves!!! HAHAHAHAHA!
Your bitch neighbor with the big leafy fucking tree

Dear BFF,
You do too have insurance...maybe not health, but you have car and home owners. I was right...AGAIN - even if it was just a technicality.
quit being crabby it was a joke

Dear clients,
Once again - a reminder - I HATE you, but you are the reason I get a paycheck. I do not, however, want to hear your life story. I've heard it all before. Unless you have a sex tape shocker I do NOT care. Oh wait, I don't care about that either, been there heard that.
Disgruntled answerer of the phones...

Dear Remote Start,
I love you. I can't believe it took almost 10 years of parking outside in the snow to finally get you.
The non-window scraper

Dear readers,
Thanks again. BTW - we're still on for the free booze if you make it to good ol' Montana.
Thanks a million,

October 5, 2009

ltml - October 5th

Dear weather,
WTF!? Snow in the beginning of October...this is terrible. Why can't you just pretend that Montana is California for a while?
Sincerely, I fucking hate winter and anyone who loves it can trade places with me (unless it's snows where your from)

Dear MT drivers,
It's that time of year again. That white shit on the ground is called snow. It happens every year. EVERY. YEAR. It will take you longer to stop than normal...please don't rear-end me. Also, all of the same driving rules apply...like get in the intersection when you're turning left b/c J does NOT want to be waiting for you to get brave all day.
Sincerely, I don't the money to fix my car or the patience for you.

Dear Cougar Town,
Thank you for giving Courtney Cox a new comedy. I love it. Also, thank you for the sarcastic chick from scrubs. Awesomeness...
Sincerely, I actually have another "must see" TV show for the first time since SATC ended.

Dear Chick from Scrubs,
Welcome back to the world...we missed you.
Sincerely, That girl that rarely watched Scrubs but remembers that you were hilarious

Dear Firefox,
Why are you such an asshole? I really can't watch ABC epi's at work on you?!? The BFF says you work for her just fine...Google chrome it is then.
Sincerely, disgruntled Cougar Town viewer

Dear NBC,
WTF!?!? Jay Leno at 9 pm every SINGLE night?
Sincerely, Jay Leno should be kept on late night

Dear people who wear too much perfume/cologne/body spray/deodorant,
You do NOT have to bathe in it. Actually the world would prefer you didn't...seriously you offend my nostrils every time I have to smell that. Also, I'm mildly allergic to some brands...AXE being the popular one at the moment...so I am begging you - please don't wear that when you go out in public. Also, ladies - you smell like a $2.00 hooker, which is only okay if you are, in fact, a hooker. Otherwise - TONE IT DOWN METHINKS!
Thank you, the girl who thinks you smell almost as bad as the BO you're trying to cover