January 20, 2010

ltml - Jan 20, 2010

Dear Blog,
I've been neglecting you...oh if only I were more clever or had more fun....boo
Xo, I should just retire from this now

Dear A's baby,
Hang in there until Friday please...your older sister made things difficult for me - you don't need to follow suit.
Thanks, Auntie Coo Coo

Dear Jorge from Yellowstone Country Clerk of Court,
Yep that's right dipshit...I'm totally naming your ass in my blog. Just FYI - you might want to be careful who you talk shit about. Not only is that person that ALLEGEDLY doesn't return your phone calls my boss but she's mom, she's FUCKING AWESOME at her job, and she's the poo (so take a big whiff). If you want to talk shit about her feel free, but know that I will find people to fuck with you just for fun. It's called torture and me likey.
Fuck you...
Sincerely, You're a dumbass

Dear Detectives,
Thank you for finding DNA evidence so that court is delayed and I don't have to be on the Jury. Cuz this shit would not have gone over well with me...(click to read what Jury I would have possibly been on)
No thank you to that crap, Unhappy potential Juror

Dear Yahoo Toolbar,
Fuck off! I hate you - It took me like 3 days and a google search to figure out that you were the cause of my "no right click on firefox" problem.
Argh, Unhappy internet user

Dear readers of this crappy blog,
Anything you want me to tell you? I have nothing to write about. I don't really have any TMI's (lilu style) or anything cool for Memoir Monday (Travis style)....I mostly just suck.
Thanks, Me

Dear old self,
You used to be a good writer in your day...what the fuck happened to you? Where'd ya go?
Not loving it, The new self who wishes to be the old self

January 2, 2010

Letters to my life - New Year edition

First off - new blog - over HERE - for anyone who cares...

Dear New Year's Eve...
Must you blow every year? WTF...
~Girl who stayed in when she should have been out

Dear Friends...
Really? No one wanted to be fun? Why is everyone so OLD suddenly?
~Quit being fogies ya assholes

Dear Cuzzin...
Sorry I didn't feel like coming out after hours of trying to find someone to go out with...
~Next year I'm callin yo ass first

Dear 2010...
Could you please suck WAY less than 2009...2009 was shitty and should not be repeated.
~thanks...girl who was sick for a huge chunk of last year

Dear guy I've been trying to make booty call...
Why so uninterested all of a sudden? Fucka - I'm trying here...although you don't know that's what I'm doing...so I'll keep pretending I'm interested.
~xo, Girl who's not as innocent as everyone thinks

Dear Pister and well other people who know me...
Shocked by that last one? Me too a little bit...and NO I will not talk to you about it...except you pister...maybe I will talk to you about it as long as you don't pull your "20 questions" bullshit. That's just gonna piss me off...I will give you as much info as I want, don't push it please.
~Love, the girl who is really not that girl

Dear people reading this thinking I'm bitchy....
Yes I am thanks...but she knows...
~Always the bitch

Dear USA Network...
Law and Order SVU marathon...yes please...thanksomuch!
~Straight girls love Mariska too

Please start you fucking piece of shit. At least long enough for me to move you over 6 inches...
~yeah - I fucking hate you

Dear Readers and bloggers,
Happy New Year...May all of your blog entertain me. I mean may it fucking rock! And long may you all rave!
~All the love I can muster, J