It's snowing...therefore I feel Christmas is upon us...FINALLY!

It is with that in mind that I post this blog.

I love the Christmas season. I think it's magical...even if that's a bit cheesy. I love the snow, the hot cocoa, the sleds, the lights, Santa, the movies, the trees, the blankets, the cuddles, the clothes, the candy canes, and I love what the season is supposed to stand for even though it seems to be more and more rare these days. I love Christmas all the way up until everyone starts talking about the same ol' same ol' crap of Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays or what am I going to get? It sucks the fun right out of it. I don't mind that people are excited about their gifts, but instead of thinking about what they could be giving they are just thinking about what they are getting. Now I may or may not have anything to open on Christmas (I got my gift from my mom way early and other family just gives them out whenever...as do I). That being said, I will probably wrap my early gift just so I don't have to be sad about being alone on Christmas morning. I know it's weird after all I just said about gifts, but it's the little kid in me, which is why I don't judge for wanting gifts (but can't you think of what to give, too?). However, to me Christmas is mostly about love, family, faith, new hope, giving, joy, and kindness. I try (and several people I know) to be extra better at this time of year. I try to be all the things I wish I could be all the time: funny, compassionate, energetic, giving, selfless, etc. I try to be more spiritual, traditional, and overall more kind. Did I mention I love Christmas when it's snowy and cold? It just doesn't seem like Christmas here unless there is snow...it's one of the only times I truly appreciate Montana. I sometimes wonder what Christmas means to other people...feel free to comment on this one for sure. Also, if anyone Jewish reads this, does it seriously bother you if I say Merry Christmas instead of Happy Holidays? 'Cause I'm telling ya I don't care what people say in regards to that Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy Kwanzaa, whatever is fine with me as long as they're nice.

Anyway the point to this blog was that as I was thinking about all the Christmas things I was narrowing my list down to the people I absolutely want to do something for...it looks like this Kara, Ana, Kendrick, Bailey, Brother, Mom, Dad, Other mom, Gramma, Sister and her kids. Pretty short list, right? Then I realize I should do something for Shelley, Mitchell, my sponsored child, and my friend Lynna who is overseas in Afghanistan and won't be home for Christmas. I also want to donate several toys to "Toys for Tots." So that is why I am sharing the this next link. In trying to figure out what I can get for different people I came across this site that I thought I would share: About.com 101 Great Gifts to Make - some pretty good ideas. Some of the ideas are awesome and I know I would love getting them from someone. However, if you have other links or ideas I am always up for more options.

Oh and let me be one of the first to say "MERRY CHRISTMAS!"

I suck at life...but mostly my job.

So as you guys (or at least the people who I know actually read occasionally) know I work for my mom. She is a divorce lawyer and I have to say divorcees are the biggest pain in the ass. I mean seriously they think the world should revolve around them. It's not like we have over 100 active cases at any given time or anything. They are like selfish children - you know the kind that you want to smack in the face. Ok - that being said...part of my job should probably be client relations. I should probably try to be nice, helpful, and understanding. I want to be nice and I want to help them, but God they make it hard. They call 3 sometimes 4 times a day and expect me to have a different answer. All I want to say to them is something a very wise person said long ago "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result." That being said these people's behavior is usually half of the problem as it is. Do we have no boundries anymore kids? For a real-life example, well I went to the house (that the big ex is living in), last night and she got pissed because I wanted _____. Well no I didn't call, she didn't tell me I needed to...Well no I was nice about it...No I didn't yell at her...etc. Funny enough the big Ex always has a different story, he was an asshole and blah blah blah....which is frankly more likely anyway. Now what do you say to a person who has no boundaries? I'm finding you CAN'T say anything. If you do say something you risk your boss (aka the mom) getting in deep shit...As you know I'm not a quiet person...I'm quite opionated. Now as far as sucking at life...
This job has made me almost entirely anti-marriage (no offense ladies, I'm glad you are cool with it...I find it very brave, frankly), I can sometimes barely stand talking to one of my friend's who is getting divorced (I cannot help you if you do not help yourself), I basically have given up on anything remotely close to the sancitity of marriage (I mean seriously divorce is the problem with marriage, not a loving gay relationships where people may or may not want to be married), I have found that people will use any excuse to fight (generally these are about none other than the all-mighty dollar), and that people really don't usually care about the kid(s) if they can screw the EX over (which is the worst part of all, they didn't make the choices in your life - YOU did). So how is it that I can do my job with out sucking at it? Anyone? Sadly, the honest to gosh worst part of it is that I like my job about half the time. When it's all quiet and people are calm and we can do our thing without having to babysit - things are awesome. I can get a lot done. I can help people if they'll let me and I get to work with my mom (whom I adore mind you - she's the shit). I like about 15% of our clients and I have to say they make my job worth it. I think mom feels the same way...although she discourages me going into law...hmmm?? So what do you guys think I should be when I grow up? Seriously I would like suggestions because mostly what I have is loser, lawyer, or shrink...that's a short list if you ask me. Anywhoser...

Letter to my very Liberal, Loving, Lesbian mother

If you are a Republican or very religious or even very closed-minded - please take my word and do NOT read this - if you do chose to read and don't agree I really don't care so please don't waste your time leaving a comment...I will just erase it. Yes that is me myself being closed-minded, but it is a very personal letter that I wrote my mom at 12:47 MST on 11/5/08. It reflects very personal and strong opinions and is very much a part of who I am. I am also sorry if I offend any Republicans that might not be an "average" Republican. I understand that because I don't agree with all of the Democratic ways of thinking, not all Republicans will feel the same either...sorry for stereotyping, but hey that's life. I am stereotyped all day long. That being said....

Obama didn't win Yellowstone - and I'm guessing when I wake up in 7 hours he will not have won MT and we will still be the same backward looking, conservative, non-progressive state that makes me want to move. Part of the reason I have little desire to reside in MT in the long run is because we cannot seem to look past ourselves and do what is best for the whole. We cannot put the separation of Church and State in our hearts...most people here are conservative Repubs b/c God says so...which as you know makes no sense to me. I believe in freedom of religion. I also believe that I should be free from having anothers religion pushed on me. Marriage therefore should either A - not be a religious act (as that seems to me to be a double edged sword under the 1st Amendment) or B) if marriage is a relgious act the government should only recognize civil unions for everyone (that would be real separation). I also believe that although I am not "Pro" Abortion, I am Pro Choice. I am against the government telling me what I can and cannot do with my body. I believe that Republicans don't want to be told what to do with their money and their rights (as many have stated), but they are willing to tell others what they do or do not have the right to do. That is why I am a Democrat. I don't believe that the middle class should be punished for not having as much money as the upper class, therefore I am for lowering middle class taxes and raising upper class taxes. I believe that by not equalizing taxes we are going back to the ancient caste system where unless (esentially) a miracle happens you cannot move between classes. I believe that even if you are born poor it is not of your own volition and that status should not limit were you are allowed to go in life. I believe that to some extent we not only should, but must help others, especially to the extend that they are willing to help themselves. I believe that I should have the right to marry whomever I please without judgement, if Christian conservatives feel a need to judge me for these beliefs that's fine too. No one will always agree with me all the time all the way. If they don't agree with me, however, they quote the bible...which again defeats the purpose of church and state. Our forefathers came to this country and purposely put a separation of church and state in our Amendments. I am of the religion "do unto others as you would have them do unto you." I am not perfect and I am sometimes judgemental....my judgement usually passes. I usually come to the conclusion that it is not always my way and it is not always about me and that some people will always be the way they are. They see nothing wrong with themselves and I can't change that (even if I know better :). I am an elistist and I do believe that I am smarter and more tolerant than many other people. I was raised in a small town with conservative values that I myself did not agree with. I learned to be tolerant because I had to be. I too was outnumbered. I love my country, but I am ashamed of what it has become. I believe that we are in need of a great and momentous change in our country. I hope that Barack Obama and the soon to be democratically controlled Congress can achieve a change that Americans, and more importantly, the world can be proud of. Today at this very moment, while I worry about Montana, I am proud of our country. I am proud that for the first time in American history a black man was considered an acceptable candidate for presidency. I am even more proud that we voted him into office on the first try, not the second or third, the first. I too have a dream like Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. I too "have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: 'We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal." I believe that no matter race, religion, sexual orientation, or gender our country is founded and prides itself on that very phrase..."We hold these truths to be self-evident, that ALL men (and now women) are created equal." We have an African AMERICAN president elect...those things that your generation fought for mom, those dreams you had for your children, your children's children, and your children's children's children are coming true. I only hope that my generation can be so passionate and progressive...even though unlike your generation we will likely never need to be. Thank you mom for your part in teaching me right from wrong, truth, compassion, and forward thinking. Thank you for your part in changing this country and may I change the world in a myriad of small, but significant (or even insignificant) ways. I love you and I am glad that we got to witness this huge step in our country's history together!

Failure

So I had a conversation with my kinda cousin, Cathy, today. See she was apparently uninvited, but really never was formally invited, we just assumed she'd be coming to dinner today. She was probably reading too much into it and some how it turned into - my brother helps financially so I'm a loser. What she meant by this was that she isn't as successful as her brother. Now Michael is a wonderful person and I really don't think he feels that way. I mean he is very successful, he has a fantastic job, he speaks Japanese (fluently), lives in San Jose (one of the most expensive places to live in the country), is obviously very educated, and doesn't really want for anything, he's funny, smart, kind, and very loved - so yes he would be considered successful. But, are these qualities any more important than the fact that he has a wonderful life partner, he's funny, kind, and loving. So, what really makes someone successful? Is it all about money or is it about life? Cat is a college graduate, has a good job at FedEx, 3 wonderful kids, a fiance who loves her, she has been a "big sister" to me and at least 2 others, she's a kind friend, funny, and smart. Does it really matter that her brother helps her afford the house she is in? She was in the house first because of a divorce, then because her mother needed help, and now she and her fiance are going to try to buy the house from her brother...does that make her a failure? My brother is very successful in his work, but moves around a lot and is lonely. Does the fact that he makes more money than me make him more successful? I have a good job, a new car, I'm thinking about buying the condo I'm in, I have great friends and a wonderful family. I also have a college degree and am looking at going to more school. So what is the real measure of success? Money doesn't make a person successful - as an anonymous person once said, "To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success."

8's

Okay - so I was tagged by Stacers and I am very tired and don't want to work so here goes...

8 TV SHOWS I LIKE TO WATCH
1. Law and Order: Special Victims Unit - booyah
2. Little People Big World
3. John and Kate plus 8 - I know weird
4. Unwrapped
5. Sex and the City
6. Days of Our Lives - rarely, but it does happen
7. Friends
8. Gilmore Girls - again - cheesy but what can I say

8 FAVORITE RESTAURANTS
1. Texas Roadhouse
2. Buffalo Wild Wings
3. Red Robin
4. Mustard Seed
5. The Rex - when I want something fancy -which isn't often
6. Mom's house
7. My house
8. Olive Garden

8 THINGS THAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY
1. I woke up
2. Came to work
3. went to lunch
4. back to work
5. drove home
6. talked to some people on the phone
7. Watched a new episode of my favorite show (SVU)
8. couldn't sleep

8 THINGS I LOOK FORWARD TO
1. figuring out what to do with my life
2. my dad coming up on Saturday and helping him with cows
3. The book with my dad on the cover coming out
4. buying a house
5. falling in love
6. moving somewhere else to fall back in love with MT
7. Mirandy moving back to Montana - me too
8. FINDING MYSELF

8 THINGS ON MY WISH LIST
1. I wish that I would find a guy worth falling in love with
2. I wish that I could find a way to make my dreams come true
3. I wish that mom wasn't so stressed
4. I wish that Kate was still alive
5. I wish that the people I loved would never ever leave
6. I wish I could eat what I want and stay skinny - agreed
7. I wish our economy wasn't in the crapper so bad
8. I wish I was rich enough to take care of my family forever and none of them have to work

8 PEOPLE I AM TAGGING
1. Kara
2. Jackie - even though Stacy did
3. Stacy - because she already did it and I'm a cheater and she's already a guarantee
4-10 anyone else who wants to b/c I don't know anyone

Stress...and rambling

I miss the ocean....whoosaaa
So I get to work yesterday and my boss who is also my mother very poignantly says to me and I quote "you look tired." Now is it just me or does that statement actually mean "you look like shit." Thanks mom!! Anyway, I digress. So I started thinking about why I would "look tired." I think the problem was that I am actually exhausted. My mood has moved beyond tired. I don't sleep a lot and when I do it's not that oh so good, nothing can interrupt it, deep, dreamy type. It's more like...sleep, cat runs through, sleep, neighbors home, sleep, weird dream, sleep...oh shit alarm clock. It's interesting to me though. This pattern of my life has me wondering if it's really that I can't sleep or if it's more or less that I'm stressed out. If I'm honest with myself I know that it's the latter, but come on - I mean seriously - what the hell do I have to be so stressed about? I mean I'm a college graduate so I don't have school. I work for my mom so it's not like I have a nasty boss...for the most part. I have a few really good friends to support me. I have an amazingly encouraging family. I truly thought that once I was done with school life would be more carefree. It's not like I even changed jobs once I graduated. But college graduation leaves all kinds of new and potentially life changing decisions. It means that I have to decide whether to go on to Law School just plain Grad School. I have to decide if I even want to go to more school for that matter. If I do decide to go to more school that means new entrance exams...can we say LSAT people! Yikes! Then if I do pass these exams I have to decide where to go to school...to stay in MT or not to stay...that is the question. After all is said and done I will have to relocate. I hate packing and moving (which is probably the reason I haven't decided what to do yet). But it's still not done there. In the end I will have more school, another graduation, and a whole new set of decisions. The worst part of it being...I don't even know where to start with any of it. Now on to work. I work at a law firm. We do divorce and child custody cases, that's it. That's our sole purpose. It's not the boss - it's the mini-bosses (i.e. the crazy clients) that are the hard part. This is one of those businesses where it isn't unlikely to hear from the same person 3 times a week, if not 3 times a day...enough said. As for good friends (you know the ones that you spend time with, not just talk about how you should spend time with them)...well beyond Kara...I think I might need some new ones. I'm not shy about stating that for the most part I am not fond of people my own age. People older than me are not fond of people my age. What's a girl to do? Making new friends in this town is challenging, especially because I don't share the same interests as most people in their 20's. Don't get my wrong, the friends I do have are fine, but Kara is the only one who seems to have her crap together, but she's working 2 jobs and has her own stress. Of my other close friends, one lives at home and works for the union...living at home at damn near 25 is NOT having your shit together; the other close friend is 23, has a 3-year-old and 8 month old, no job, no money, and is getting divorced. Now I know that its selfish to think that this might be a source of stress for me when she is going through so much right now. However, as much as I love her, she doesn't listen. I told her to get a part time job when they were going to file for divorce the first time, I told her to save her money and get an attorney, I told her to be an adult about things. She didn't do any of these things. I get that it's her life, blah blah blah, but why ask if you are just going to disregard what I say? She is now a week into her new divorce proceedings and still has no job, no money, and no attorney. I know that you are now thinking why not ask my attorney mother to help, right? Well, because I don't want her involved. Plain and simply put it's not her job to rescue my friends. We've tried before and failed miserably. I promised myself that I would never put my mom or myself in that position again and I am holding on to that. I don't lend friends large sums of money so I won't help that way. Again, been there, done that. Not that she's asking...I made it clear in the beginning that she should even think about asking. It sounds cold, yes, but mind you - I asked her not to get married at 18 and told her that I thought having another baby was a bad idea...I guess what I'm saying is that I don't understand why my friends don't just learn that I am almost always right about what will happen in other peoples lives even if I do kinda suck at my own. So these are apparently the reasons I am stressed....good to know...and if you get to this point before you decide I'm rambling...I'm sorry you had to read about my feeling sorry for myself even though I know that I am a very blessed and loved individual. If He brings you to it, He'll bring you through it, right? Or for the less religious...This too shall pass. I'll just rub my ears and chant a little "whoosaaaaaa" now.

9/11/01

(the photo on the right is a part of public domain from the Dept. of Defense found via flickr; the lights shine up from "Ground Zero" where the World Trade Centers once stood)

So it's been 7 years since the towers fell and I'm not sure how to feel about it. I realize that no one probably will read this and it surely won't be in a timely matter. Therefore my Sept 11 ramblings will go unnoticed. However, that being said, I live in Montana. It's a long way from NYC. Though I have never been there I have a great respect for the city. It's loud and busy, but people who live there generally love it. I remember 9/11/01 in a hazy blur. I started my day, just like all the others. I got up and got ready for my senior year of high school. Got in my car and picked Meaghan up. I remember her getting in my car and saying something along the lines of, "A plan hit the World Trade Center." Of course, I like everyone else, was hoping it was just a joke. She assured me it wasn't so we turned on the radio and went to school in silence and shock. I remember getting to school that day and every single classroom had a television in it. They were all on and we all watched in suspense...knowing what was going to happen and praying it wouldn't. I remember thinking, "How did this happen here? How did it happen in the United States?" Then they fell. I remember the entire class gasping. We were all shocked. I remember some of us wept, while others seemed so nonchalant about it. Even saying things like, "So what - NYC is a long way from us. Who cares?" I remember those comments and how angry they made me. Almost 3,000 people from around 90 different countries were dead. Millions of lives were changed in an instant. I remember hearing them talk about the brave rescue workers who died, I remember the talk of men and women calling home to say their final good-byes, I remember the nation weeping together as one people. I remember thinking in my own selfishness, "dad's a fireman...what if that happened to me," and crying for all the people who would never see that special person again. That was a day that color, religion, class, status, all of the things we classify one another by, just melted away. I remember a nation pulled together in sadness and outrage in the following months, even years. Now we are at war. I have a friend in Afghanistan. She been there a few times. She signed up for the military before we even graduated from high school. She's smart, funny, and beautiful. I don't see her or talk to her, but I think of our troops, especially mine, often and I send up a little prayer. So I wonder, on this 7th anniversary, do we still remember? Does it still hurt or have we all moved on? I can't answer this question for everyone. I can only answer for myself. I have not moved beyond caring, but I am lucky. The events that unfolded that day aren't a part of my everyday life. I live far away from them. But I think of the people it effected directly often. I think of all those yellow ribbons we all had in support of our troops and all of the American Flags we flew. It's rare to see any of those anymore. The war and the tragedy have subsided for many and we feel no need to show support anymore. So, in light of that, here are my prayers, my love, my admiration for you. I haven't forgotten and I wish you the best. All my love.

everyone has a blog

Ha! So since a couple of my friends with families have blogs I thought I wanted one even though I have no one. That remains to be seen. But so is the life of a single gal in small town Montana. I will probably blog this as much as anything else, meaning I've had one before, but at least now the nosy nellies on MySpace will have to work at butting in to "ma buniess" as they say. J/K - but on a more serious note - does anyone know of any jobs available that don't have to do with morons? Because working for a divorce attorney is full of them.