2010...

So many people are saying that 2010 was horrible for them. While it wasn't the best year I've ever had it's definitely not the worst! This year actually has had some pretty awesome stuff. I survived another year - always a plus ;), I finally decided what I want to be when I grow up (I hope), I got into grad school, and my beautiful niece graduated from high school (and started college and got straight A's for her first semester). Most importantly I kept in touch with old friends and managed to make some new ones. I started the year off with a birthday...and I can't even remember what it looked like except that there was a cake that looked like it was on fire. I'm pretty sure this is the year that I was told that I was a consideration if something happened to a little guys parents of where he may need to go (very flattered Kellie and Denise - thank you for your trust and friendship). I learned this year that it feels better just to make a decision and go for it than to sit and think about it forever (therapist v lawyer - the big debate). I learned that Texas is seriously effin hot in June ;) lol. I learned that my family of choice is never far away (I probably knew that, but it still seems important). I also learned that my family of choice is different than mom's, but that we both would do anything for each others family of choice as well. I learned that I can keep a friend even when I am confronting them with some harsh alternatives. I learned that it is possible to just know that you can trust someone you don't know well. I learned that teenagers are difficult (I knew this too, but I didn't realize how difficult). I realized that it is my own fault that people only see me in a certain way. I realized that I am not comfortable showing my weaknesses to people that I don't trust to take care of my heart. I learned that I CAN show that side to some people and know that they won't screw me over. It's taken me a long time to get back there, but I'm working on it. It's hard to remember that not everyone is going to screw you over in the end sometimes. I've learned that people can be gone for a long time and still come back and love you as much as the last time you saw them. I've learned that I can do well when I try. I've learned that life is hard, but if you surround yourself with the right people they will try to make you laugh until it seems a little less hard and a LOT less lonely. I have learned that some people are REALLY stubborn, but that doesn't EVER stop me from trying (yeah you know it's about you...lol). I've learned that some people just are who they are and there's no use trying to figure them out. Waste.of.time... I've learned that grief is really shitty and screwed up and there is no "right" way to do it AND unfortunately, there is no time frame for when things quit sucking. I've learned that I do not see me the way others see me. I am a lot harder on myself...I am my own harshest critic. I've learned that I'm sometimes seen as "superhuman" because I make choices that would be hard for other people. I know that I am very human...I've just made different less noticeable mistakes. I've realized that professionals have a really high bar that they are expected to rise to and that people often put them so high up that when they do make a mistake everyone panics...even though it's just them being human. I've learned a lot more this year, but the distractions just got me off track so let's get to what I'm grateful for...
I am grateful for my family of choice.
I am grateful for my family of choice...I know I said it twice but I'm super grateful for these people.
I am grateful that grad school introduced me to some seriously awesome people.
I am grateful that I live in a country where men and women voluntarily risk their lives for me everyday...the military, the police dept, the firemen and women, the emt workers, etc
I am grateful that I live in a country where I will (unless they are violating my rights) be allowed to voice my opinion as much and as loudly as I want.
I am grateful that we are making progress in so many areas of our world...from gay rights to disease.
I am grateful that I have a roof over my head, a job, food, family, and my comforts...they are NEVER a guarantee.
I am grateful that I always have someone to turn to in my times of hardship...it's hard to ask for help sometimes but good to know it's always there.
I am grateful for love. All of the love that surrounds me each and everyday.
I am grateful that "my" God has given me the things I've needed most at the times when I have needed them...whether it be a friend on facebook in the middle of the night (Martha and Natasha - thank you both) or a kind stranger to help me when I run out of gas (mom's fault ;) lol).
I am grateful that I am surrounded by lovely, kind, funny, witty, smart, wonderful, awesome, and loving people every.single.day.
I am loved and for THAT I will always be eternally grateful.

Thank you to everyone who has made this year what it was...the good, the bad, the ugly ;) -- No matter what I am GRATEFUL that I got to spend this year with all of you, surrounded by all of your love.