ltml - October 5th

Dear weather,
WTF!? Snow in the beginning of October...this is terrible. Why can't you just pretend that Montana is California for a while?
Sincerely, I fucking hate winter and anyone who loves it can trade places with me (unless it's snows where your from)

Dear MT drivers,
It's that time of year again. That white shit on the ground is called snow. It happens every year. EVERY. YEAR. It will take you longer to stop than normal...please don't rear-end me. Also, all of the same driving rules apply...like get in the intersection when you're turning left b/c J does NOT want to be waiting for you to get brave all day.
Sincerely, I don't the money to fix my car or the patience for you.

Dear Cougar Town,
Thank you for giving Courtney Cox a new comedy. I love it. Also, thank you for the sarcastic chick from scrubs. Awesomeness...
Sincerely, I actually have another "must see" TV show for the first time since SATC ended.

Dear Chick from Scrubs,
Welcome back to the world...we missed you.
Sincerely, That girl that rarely watched Scrubs but remembers that you were hilarious

Dear Firefox,
Why are you such an asshole? I really can't watch ABC epi's at work on you?!? The BFF says you work for her just fine...Google chrome it is then.
Sincerely, disgruntled Cougar Town viewer

Dear NBC,
WTF!?!? Jay Leno at 9 pm every SINGLE night?
Sincerely, Jay Leno should be kept on late night

Dear people who wear too much perfume/cologne/body spray/deodorant,
You do NOT have to bathe in it. Actually the world would prefer you didn't...seriously you offend my nostrils every time I have to smell that. Also, I'm mildly allergic to some brands...AXE being the popular one at the moment...so I am begging you - please don't wear that when you go out in public. Also, ladies - you smell like a $2.00 hooker, which is only okay if you are, in fact, a hooker. Otherwise - TONE IT DOWN METHINKS!
Thank you, the girl who thinks you smell almost as bad as the BO you're trying to cover

Letters to my life September 16 edition

Ok...so in an attempt to not be an epic failure like the BFF Twiggy...thanks for finally updating...anywho - I am going to attempt to do all of my bitching in on this blog in this form once a week or month or year or whenever the hell I feel like it. Hey it's something to do at my boring ass job and it helps me to be less annoyed (or more - not sure). So here goes week 2:

Dear person who's name isn't even worth mentioning: Fuck you and the horse you rode in on. Yep I'm still pissed a week and a half later. I can't believe you insulted me and the bff. So much for me being your "best friend". If this is how you treat people you can keep you. I don't want you anymore me thinks. I know that this may or may not (or probably never will) be over at some point, but I gotta tell ya...I have helped you take care of your kids more than almost anyone else and yet you think that I think kids are such a HUGE burden. Oh wait - THEY ARE, but they are a burden that I would gladly take on for the BFF. Just FYI - her kids will hopefully be potty trained before they are 4 and SHE probably won't feel the need to yell at them ALL THE TIME. So thanks for the eye opener on how important I am to you.

Dear Kitty: I'm soooo sorry you are at the vet getting de-nutted. You're still an asshole though and yes your claws have to go...also, could you please get your cuteness to pay for new carpet? Thankyouverymuch. And again - I feel guilty...but you're still kinda an asshole...

Dear client that doesn't listen: The other attorney is out of town ALL week. Period. The End. ALL WEEK. Quit calling us and asking us if we've heard anything. The answer will be the same no matter what...

Dear client that is an asshole (that was also in here yesterday): Dream on jackass...there is no way you are getting full custody - try away man! Good luck with that...and btw why did you have kids with the bitch? Also, why did you need to bring your girlfriend you fucking pussy? You aren't man enough or she suddenly acquired a law degree? She's about as smart as a left nut you fuckwad. Have you listened to the girl like EVER!?!?

Dear Facebook: I still hate you. You never work right for me...and apparently I'm not the only one. Fix yourself immediately!

Dear Cellphone: I also still hate you...Come Oct 7th we are done! Thank you baby Jesus!

Dear life: Why do you have to be so fucking complicated? Why do you have to shit on the lives of kids? I mean is it really necessary to give a teenager cancer? WTF?!? I mean I think it's shit when it happens to adults, but srsly COME ON!

Dear new baby Aaydan: Welcome Sugar...may your life be everything your parents dream.

Dear little Tristan: Careful when you hit your new brother...I know it's inevitable that you will, but some day he may be bigger than you. He'll remember how you treated him and if your not careful he'll kick your ass. Also, make sure that mom isn't looking when you do. You will get in WAAAAY more trouble if she sees it :)

Dear BFF: I lover you...and your husband (in the dirtiest way possible)...I will be sneaking in to have my weekly tryst with the hubs tonight at 10...you can watch if you'd like :) Oh, and thanks for being pissed at that one chick for me...but you're still an asshole you Edward fantasizing weirdo!

Dear new Twilight movie: Please can't you premiere like a month early so I can stop hearing about this shit!?!?! I mean you are the talk of the town and I got PUT ON HOLD so that the BFF could listen to your new trailer. You are bullshit, but hopefully you are BETTER bullshit than the first movie b/c when Stephanie Meyer said that you shimmer I'm pretty sure she didn't think you'd look like you got rolled in gold glitter glue...justsayinisall!

Dear people who read this: Fake like you follow me...I'm pathetic with only 2 followers. I will make you cupcakes. Ok that's a lie, but I will follow you back...probably, unless your some creepy fat guy who looks like a child molester. If you are I guess ignore this post. And every other post.

Dear everyone who made it this far: Thanks...I now love you more than the BFF - k well maybe not that much but thanks...

I realized another problem...

this blog is known to far too many people that I know (that number being like 3 - but still). I cannot talk about some shit on here because of the fear that these people might talk. Fuck! I can't tell my funny stories about my friends getting it on up on The Rims (yep - that's what they're called), I can't talk about them fucking complete strangers, and worse yet - I can't talk about my crazy best friends...or can I - ladies weigh in...will you be offended if I talk about you and no one else knows it's you? You know who you are - also, what if I'm pissed at you and go off...will that upset you (Pister - you know I mean you, right?)?