Sometimes I like to creat controversy....

I like to think of it as "pushing buttons to make people think". It sounds a lot less bitchy and annoying then I like to piss people off because I think they are backwards in their way of thinking...or I'm ALWAYS right so screw you anyway. So this blog is going to be about an apparently very controversial issue: Religion. If you are a very staunch Christian leave now please. Also, if you didn't like Travis's blog over at "I like to fish..." about how effed it is that people in Kentucky are still racist - also, please leave, I just have a feeling you won't understand what I'm saying and I don't care to hear how you don't like it. (Also, if you don't know what I'm talking about click one of the above blue link thingy's* and it will take to you him - he's kind of awesome.)

SO - I have this little saying - it's a joke...mostly er kind of...it goes a little like this: If only the Mormons or the Catholics or the Jehovah's Witnesses are going to Heaven then I'd rather go to hell with all the rest of my people anyway because it's going to be way more fun!

Apparently that is NOT a popular thing to say to über churchy* people. It's like an automatic ticket to hell...which means apparently that I'm fucked. YES I'm automatically going to hell now. WTF!?!? I make a joke and I'm going to hell. There is no asking me what I actually believe, no questioning of one's own beliefs, just Jess is going to hell.

So just to check my theory I do a little facebook status update...and that leads to this...
My original status:

Jesse is it true that, if I'm not religous and what not or get whatevered, I am going to hell no matter how good I am, how much I love, how much I believe, or how many people I help? Cuz if that's the case I think I might as well start being bad...

and the answers: **

Jacquelyn

Whatever. Don't listen to other people unless they bring you up. You know whether or not you are trying to be a good person to yourself, lady earth, and those who populate her (be they awesome or not). Don't even listen to me (awesome as I am) *wink*. Listen to you.

Jesse

Thanks Jacque :) (are you still going to start spelling it like that again??) - I just love how closed-minded people can be...if you left it up to any single religion the people of that faith would (according to that religion, not necessarily all of the people of that religion - although quite a few apparently believe it's true) be the only ones to... Read More get into "Heaven" and it wouldn't matter how terrible the person was here on Earth as long as s/he was saved...I'm just going - so Hitler gets to go to Heaven and I don't because he was "saved" and did whatever they thought he needed to and I'm not going to Heaven because I was only baptized?? What's up with that!?!? :)

Jamie

That was awesome, Jackie...you are such a special woman! So are you, Jesse. And listen to Jackie, cause she's pretty dang smart! I love you girls! ♥

Jacquelyn

I think God will weigh the intentions with the actions. Too bad I can't communicate with passed souls...it'd be nice to just flat out ask them. That'd be cheating though and I did plenty of that in High School and didn't learn a thing :D

Sandie (side note - this is the BFF's mom - nice huh? loves...)

Some days Jesse you are so full of SHIT!!!!

Kellie

No its not true and your own accountability to your self will keep you from having too much fun!

Yet then I get in my inbox: the person shall remain nameless...

Hey Jesse, The only thing that matters and will assure you going to Heaven is your relationship with Jesus Christ. You can be as nice, as helpful as loving as you can be but if you do not know and believe that Jesus died for you because He loves you (the ultimate unconditional love-cuz lets face it if Jesus still loves me after all the crap I have done His love must be unconditional)> I'm not trying to be all high and mighty because I'm not nor am I a perfect person by any stretch of the imagination, I just want you to be fully informed. Quite honestly my friend I would hate for you to spend eternity in hell


NOW - where in the fuck did I ever state my beliefs?? It wasn't what this person said that pissed me off...it was the fact that she said it with such conviction that I was going to hell. Like maybe she could have taken a gander at me and noticed my cross necklace, maybe she could have asked a mutual friend who has known me for a while, maybe she could have ASKED ME what it is that I believe...maybe just maybe then she would have found out that I was raised Catholic but I have no use for organized religion because they teach people not to question anything EVER...and they are a little too cultish ("f" you spell check) for my taste - I also think they are mostly hypocrites...not all...just most...yaknow with the "love thy neighbor" and "let he who is without sin cast the first stone" and "God loves all his children" crap. I'm not saying I have a problem with other people who are religious, but damn it if my Mormon friends can take a joke and not preach to me then why can't other people!?!? Or at least ask me what I believe before you throw your down home values on me...sheesh. Am I out of line?

*yes - I am aware that "thingy's" is not a word, but doodad's is just weird for me and also churchy should be a word, but I realize most people (outside my head) don't think it is either

** all of these people are religious in some form...all of them have at one point (or still do) gone to church on a weekly basis. The range from Mormon to Lutheran to just plain Christian

ltml - October 26

Dear I'm going to blog at least once a week me,
You suck at this and have nothing to say. That's all.
Sincerely,
Me that forgets or has nothing to say

Dear beautiful wonderful amazing niece,
Quit growing up so quickly...18...wow, 8 frickin teen! I remember watching movies and sledding with you. I remember you and k-bug following me around. I remember you begging the g-parents to let you tag along to my basketball games and watch me cheer. I remember little you with you little cherub face and your little sweet way of kicking my ass at cards. I remember everything. I love you and now I think I will have to dedicate a post solely to you.
Love love love,
The luckiest aunt in the whole wide world

**side note...I know schmoopy (as LiLu puts it), but I can't help myself

Dear tree in my back yard,
I can't wait until the condo association gets enough money to cut you down. You are leafing in my porch and I am sick of sweeping. On the other hand, at least you provide me some comic relief by deciding to send half of it across the street to A and the girls. Funny as hell!
Sincerely,
You're annoying

Dear A,
Have fun raking those leaves!!! HAHAHAHAHA!
Love,
Your bitch neighbor with the big leafy fucking tree

Dear BFF,
You do too have insurance...maybe not health, but you have car and home owners. I was right...AGAIN - even if it was just a technicality.
Sincerely,
quit being crabby it was a joke

Dear clients,
Once again - a reminder - I HATE you, but you are the reason I get a paycheck. I do not, however, want to hear your life story. I've heard it all before. Unless you have a sex tape shocker I do NOT care. Oh wait, I don't care about that either, been there heard that.
Sincerely,
Disgruntled answerer of the phones...

Dear Remote Start,
I love you. I can't believe it took almost 10 years of parking outside in the snow to finally get you.
Loving,
The non-window scraper

Dear readers,
Thanks again. BTW - we're still on for the free booze if you make it to good ol' Montana.
Thanks a million,
J

conflict of interest anyone?

Okay so I marvel at the stupidity of the average person...especially when they have absolutely no clue about anything professional. For those of you who don't know(God I hope you do)...when you work for a professional there is a thing called "conflict of interest" - this can happen in several different ways...at my office it is more often than not because we have represented someone in the past and then that person's ex wants to take them back to court and thinks we should be willing to do it or it's someone that we know way too much about the other party (not always a conflict, but certainly can be). So...that makes sense does it not? And for those of you who don't understand "conflict of interest" get on that shit...it's useful to understand.

Also, there is a thing call attorney/client privilege - it's like dr/patient confidentiality...pretty much exactly like it actually. It means that we can say shit about anyone that is or was a client. Now, that being said the stupidity is rampant and since you don't know our client and whatnot I can totally tell you about things in a very round about you don't know who it is and will NEVER figure it out way...like doctors say "I once had a patient who..." - not very professional, but they can get away with it...usuallly. Whenever we have a conflict (or just someone I don't like) I will send them to various other attorney's...Mostly a man we'll call K.S....this was one that got sent his way...I'm sure he'd thank me if he knew I sent him the crazies!

Anyway that being said here's my conversation with some dumbass that called:

Dumbass: My name is....and I'm calling for my son.
(okay - now this dude sounds ancient - so I'm all "fuck another one of these 'I can't shit without someone there to wipe my ass' people" - not a good way to start off with me...I am your gateway to the attorney in this office)
Me: okay and what can we do for you?
Dumbass: Well he needs to know if you STILL represent .....
Me: I can't tell you that
Dumbass: Oh really, Why?
Me: because whether we do or don't represent .... you know that we may have at one point
Dumbass: Ok. Well he has a couple of kids with....and he needs a lawyer.
Me: To help with the kids he has with her?
Dumbass: Yeah he needs someone to protect him.
Me: Um...that's a conflict of interest.
Dumbass: Oh really WHY?
Me (in my head): (are you fucking kidding me? Srsly you can't figure that one out)
Me (to dumbass): because if we ever represented her there is client privilge.
Dumbass: (long pause) Oh really? well, um....
Me: Okay I'm going to give you K.S. (another attorney)'s number...he's great you should call

And that my friends is how KS gets stuck with our shit storm...I send all the crazy, stupid, or just plain weird people to him...you ARE welcome Mr. S! All my love, J!