Happy Birthday Gramma

So today is my Gram's like 83rd? b-day and I just wanted to give her a bloggy shout out. It's full of Schmoop (thanks LiLu for the word...no one get pissy that she gets credit - I heard it there first...just sayin') - anywho it's full of schmoop so if you hate sap the skip it!!

My grandmother is a very special and lovely woman. I think what makes an awesome gramma is when EVERY grandchild seems to think they are the favorite. I mean we ALL know that I'm totally the favorite, but all the other kids like to argue with me. Whatever, screw you guys, she just doesn't want to say it cuz it'll hurt your feelers. Seriously though - all kidding aside - my cousins and I have actually argued over this. She is wonderful and I love to listen to her talk about her life, and my (late) gramps's life (RIP gramps), and what it was like when you had to crank a car and find ways to entertain yourself beyond a TV. I mean honestly the woman has led a fascinating life which I will maybe blog about from time to time if I think of it. She's not really old fashioned though. She's come right along with the times. She has the internet, email, and even facebook...how many other 80-yr-old people can you say that about? She is kind, giving, caring, but she can be feisty and protective. Just talk shit about one of my cousins...she'll stick up for them regardless of whether you're right or not because that's her grandkid damnit. I can honestly say I don't remember her ever yelling at us or punishing anyone. She has taught me so many things. She taught me how to sew by hand, how to take the family jokes for what they are...jokes, how to graciously be the butt of the joke (Dr. Laura :), how to be kind to people because you don't know what they might be going through, that life can go on for a long time after you lose the man you loved your entire life, how to hold fast to family, make others feel important, how to work through your marriage difficulties (thanks by the way for setting impossibly high standards...), that you can still be active at 80, that a gramma's love and hugs and kisses and bug picks can make even the shittiest of shit feel okay for even a tiny moment in time, and so many more lessons. She loves her family with everything she has. She's got the patience of a Saint...seriously, if you met some of our family you'd totally understand, and she's the best band-aid giver, boo boo kisser, flu fixer, and broken heart healer to ever have been born.

So here's to my Gramma Dottie...Whose real name is Laura just FYI, not Dot, Dorthy, etc...Happy Birthday to the best Grams ever!! I love you and thank you for all the wonderful gifts you have given me, the lessons you have taught me, and the times you fixed sick when my parents were at work. You are one of my most treasured gifts and certainly one of my very real life heroes. All, all, all of my love...XO, Jesse Jo

I fail...

I suck at this blogging thing...sorry...kinda...which is pretty much a lie

anyway - I blogged over here today

Workin' It Out - also - this is not a fatty blog where I talk about how I'm fat and need to lose weight. No one wants to hear me whine about that. Instead they want to hear me whine about dealing with loss....or maybe not cuz they don't read either of them.

Thanks to those who do!

XO, J

I'm an adult I can get tattoos and say the "f" word if I want to...

just sayin....
okay so I actually got to have an exciting weekend...
My cousin, E, is in the Navy. He is leaving for Boloxi, Mississippi (probably spelled that wrong but who cares) and then Afghanistan. SOOOOOOOO...he threw himself a going away party at a local dive bar. It's a real shit hole, but also ended up being awesome in a way (keep in mind later that it's right next door to a town pump here). So we are at this "party", which btw is just a bunch of random family and friends, and not in a reserved room (hello it's a dive bar). Anyway, Friday at midnight also happened to be the release of New Moon...yeah I'm a nerd. So the family is all getting shitty drunk (except me cuz well after puking last year for 3 days I don't drink). My cousin L. is wasted. Lisa is 45 and doesn't really drink much herself. So Eric, his mom (L.), his dad (A.), his grandfather on mom's side (L. who is my Aunt's ex hubby), and his friends are all wastered. Like falling down drunk. His sister (also A, but we'll call her lil A. for this) is preggo so she's not drinking...essentially she and I and our under drinking age but of gambling age cousin (K.) are the only sober ones after about 11. Anywho, I'm ready to leave, but I'm counting drunks/sober person car holding capabilities and realize there is no way Lil A is getting all these idiots home by herself. I have to stay and help because that's how I roll. AND BOY AM I GLAD I DID! Midnight rolls around and Lil A and I decide we are bored and wtf let's go get "New Moon". I had told the bff, Pister, that I would pick her up a copy anyway. She was extremely excited (like crazy excited) to have a copy. Anyway, Lil A and I leave and that's when the shit hits the fan. I'm going to preface this by saying we were only gone for like 30 minutes tops. So we leave and my cousin E. starts to freak out again about going to a place where shooting him is the aim of some people. Understandable no? So he's upset and his mom (L.) and Dad (A.) take him outside to talk. So he's upset and his dad is giving him a hug and this big (and I mean big - like 6'4") Indian, excuse me, Native American, dude starts to mouth off. He says "Why don't you get a room?" Of course they all do the wtf...and L. says "what did you just say?" Drunk Indian dude, like an idiot, repeats himself....so...They ALL 3 take off after him. They are all 4 drunk as fuck at this point. E. is so drunk he trips over his own feet and falls. A. tries to tackle dude, but falls instead....Not L though - she chases this guy into Town Pump and wails on his ass. L. is 45 and only about 5'4" tall...and she's wailing on this son of a bitch...So Dude is all like "get her off me, call the cops, I'm pressing charges"...and L's response "call the fucking cops, I work for the fucking cops!" Yeah...she's worked dispatch for a while, but probably not her best response. Anywho, cops are called and L barely dodges going to jail...luckily. L at one point afterward tells me she kinda feels bad...my response "fuck that, you just made my year sweetheart, can't feel bad about that!" Booyah - and that is the story of how my cousin wailed on some dude half her age and twice her size!

Friends on a side-note...I have NEVER before gone out with my family....and my friends aren't the "bar fight" type. Just gotta say that it was epic. Thanks for reading...

ltml - Jan 20, 2010

Dear Blog,
I've been neglecting you...oh if only I were more clever or had more fun....boo
Xo, I should just retire from this now

Dear A's baby,
Hang in there until Friday please...your older sister made things difficult for me - you don't need to follow suit.
Thanks, Auntie Coo Coo

Dear Jorge from Yellowstone Country Clerk of Court,
Yep that's right dipshit...I'm totally naming your ass in my blog. Just FYI - you might want to be careful who you talk shit about. Not only is that person that ALLEGEDLY doesn't return your phone calls my boss but she's mom, she's FUCKING AWESOME at her job, and she's the poo (so take a big whiff). If you want to talk shit about her feel free, but know that I will find people to fuck with you just for fun. It's called torture and me likey.
Fuck you...
Sincerely, You're a dumbass

Dear Detectives,
Thank you for finding DNA evidence so that court is delayed and I don't have to be on the Jury. Cuz this shit would not have gone over well with me...(click to read what Jury I would have possibly been on)
No thank you to that crap, Unhappy potential Juror

Dear Yahoo Toolbar,
Fuck off! I hate you - It took me like 3 days and a google search to figure out that you were the cause of my "no right click on firefox" problem.
Argh, Unhappy internet user

Dear readers of this crappy blog,
Anything you want me to tell you? I have nothing to write about. I don't really have any TMI's (lilu style) or anything cool for Memoir Monday (Travis style)....I mostly just suck.
Thanks, Me

Dear old self,
You used to be a good writer in your day...what the fuck happened to you? Where'd ya go?
Not loving it, The new self who wishes to be the old self

Letters to my life - New Year edition

First off - new blog - over HERE - for anyone who cares...

Dear New Year's Eve...
Must you blow every year? WTF...
~Girl who stayed in when she should have been out

Dear Friends...
Really? No one wanted to be fun? Why is everyone so OLD suddenly?
~Quit being fogies ya assholes

Dear Cuzzin...
Sorry I didn't feel like coming out after hours of trying to find someone to go out with...
~Next year I'm callin yo ass first

Dear 2010...
Could you please suck WAY less than 2009...2009 was shitty and should not be repeated.
~thanks...girl who was sick for a huge chunk of last year

Dear guy I've been trying to make booty call...
Why so uninterested all of a sudden? Fucka - I'm trying here...although you don't know that's what I'm doing...so I'll keep pretending I'm interested.
~xo, Girl who's not as innocent as everyone thinks

Dear Pister and well other people who know me...
Shocked by that last one? Me too a little bit...and NO I will not talk to you about it...except you pister...maybe I will talk to you about it as long as you don't pull your "20 questions" bullshit. That's just gonna piss me off...I will give you as much info as I want, don't push it please.
~Love, the girl who is really not that girl

Dear people reading this thinking I'm bitchy....
Yes I am thanks...but she knows...
~Always the bitch

Dear USA Network...
Law and Order SVU marathon...yes please...thanksomuch!
~Straight girls love Mariska too

Dear TRUCK,
Please start you fucking piece of shit. At least long enough for me to move you over 6 inches...
~yeah - I fucking hate you

Dear Readers and bloggers,
Happy New Year...May all of your blog entertain me. I mean may it fucking rock! And long may you all rave!
~All the love I can muster, J